Are you not feeling safe?

SUSANNE TALK

May 11, 2021

Susanne chats about how she has worked through fear, recognizing how many parts of her life had been ruled by fear.

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Are you not feeling safe?

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Pointe To Rise Podcast. My name is Susanne, and I am your host today. Thank you for tuning in. I want to share with you something that is still very fresh. I still feel a little honorable about it. And I chose and decided to share it with you because we’re not often.
To really come in contact with people who can actually walk us through the process and tapping into what it feels like when we are at a certain point. To remove a little bit of fear that you may have because you don’t know what to expect when you start self-development to give you permission to do the work, provide you with permission to show up as who you are and that you are at is just perfect.

Okay. So that’s let me back up to last week. I had the privilege to be part of a mastermind group. That is my third round. A mastermind group is a particular collection of people who sit together and tap into each other’s knowledge, resources, and coaching. Also, usually, you have events where you all sit together and do all the learning together.
Okay. So now I have this happening on Thursday and Friday, and I’m coming out of it. I have this feeling of safety, of feeling whole and held and. I couldn’t quite put my fingers on what that was, but I’m, I’m telling you that it, it felt like for the first time in my life consciously, could I say that I felt safe.

Okay. Now you and I, until this point, had no idea that I actually wasn’t feeling safe. I felt unsafe in my surroundings, but the people that were around me and to, to the different rooms virtually, literally that I was into, and I came to a conclusion, wait, this feeling on, off, not feeling safe, this unsafe feeling, how did that show up in my life?
Is that the reason why I was? You’re full of starting things. Was that the reason why I didn’t have lasting relationships? Is that the reason why I would promise and then pull out again? Is that the reason why I would be procrastinating? Is that the reason why I am fearful of shining my brightest because actually?

It has nothing to do with me, but the way I feel with me feeling unsafe, how else does that show up? So. And I can’t put a conclusion is all of that, like not even being aware of feeling unsafe in a container that was always open. And it always had been said that this is a safe place. If you want to feel, feel here because it’s safe.
There is no judgment. It is safe. And I never ever heard it the way I heard it last week. There is a difference between taking words in and actually feeling those words and understanding them. And I, for the first time, understood what that actually meant to me. How it felt to take those words in, the permission it gave me.

And what has also held me back from doing before this very point, my entire story around not being able to ask questions or being fearful of asking questions comes from the place that I am not feeling safe or have not felt safe in these kinds of settings. Now serendipitously, on Saturday morning, I actually had a call booked with a dear friend of mine.
She’s also a trauma healer and a subconscious mind coach. And I said, Hey, listen, this is what’s come up for me. It’s very profound. I cannot get any further. I need your help. So she took me through a few rounds of questions that I. Openly admit here, brought out my inner, very grumpy toddler where I just didn’t want to go back to those feelings of feeling unsafe in my, in my childhood, or even in my adulthood.

Like I was not willing for a moment and went back to the situation where it felt like that simply because I didn’t want to feel it again. So we could go back all the way to, I was like three, four years old. And I actually, we recognize that. During my entire childhood and teenagehood, and adulthood, the theme of not feeling safe around others, around myself, or showing up as myself, just continuing there is such a threat in my life of not feeling safe and what it actually shows up in.

It’s not only that we’re not feeling safe or our. An internal feeling of not feeling self by that, not feeling safe, leads us to take different actions. It leads us to portray different energy. And that’s what I’m getting here at night. Everything that we feel, every fear that we’re having, anything that is folding us, where we are at right now.
It’s actually a big part of what kind of passions we take, how we behave because, how we show up in the world, and how our lives look. So it is a vast circle that. You can go into the neck, nooks, and crannies of your entire life and, and find out these, these patterns. And for me, it was just such a big revelation.
So now, at this point, I’m telling you that I was not able to relieve it yet because I wasn’t willing to refill these events in my childhood. I wasn’t billing, or I’m not ready yet to. Go and really deeply ugly cry and be angry and mad and all of the events. And I’m gonna leave it like this ever; knowing where all of this unworthiness comes from knowing what really ignited these feelings also gives me the power to release them.

And this is where in this beautiful self-development world, there is really no, no end to this because you always will find new layers, right. That you can tap into that will reveal new versions of yourself. And I’m, I’m bringing this up to give you literally the permission to do this work. Like, find the right people that you can surround yourself with.
Find the people that will hold you. Hold your hair back, for that matter. Find the people that will love you regardless. And just do the work because on stage or not, you know, you shouldn’t be pretending to be somebody or something for somebody else, just so they can see you on stage or not. You should give yourself the permission that everything that you are, that you want, that you want to be is already inside you.
It is your job to uncover why are you not there yet? And find support around you to really get there because otherwise. Why are we living for, what are we doing here? There, there was such a profound wash, and Dean Graziosi opened up for us. He said, imagine you at the end of your life, standing in front of your maker and being asked the question would you like.
Yeah, hang on. I’m being asked the questions now, did you live your life to pretty absolute fullest, or do you want to see the video of what it could have been? And that, for me, was such an eye-opening thing. It’s like, I don’t want to see a video of me. I could have been what kind of an impact I could have made.
No, I don’t want to see the video. I want to live it. I want to be there. I want to be the person that initiates that, and having that permission resonated so strongly with me. So who hide a boat today? Me sharing this story that isn’t even quite ready yet. And let me just tell you at this point that I had averted the sexual abuse that I must witness on my own body when I was seven years old was hidden.

So deep, deep, deep in my soul that I knew about it. I didn’t want to see it. How wrong it was. I didn’t want to see how it actually affected my life till today. And I didn’t want to see that there is a possibility to heal that because it became so hard for me, like the pain and becoming part of me; who will I be without that pain?
Right. So this is your permission. To go and find help. This is your permission to, to shine your, your absolute brightest. This is your permission to do the work. Does this, your permission to unlearn all the things that may be in the way, because here’s what I realized. Nobody’s gonna give it to us.
It’s enough already that we’re blaming everybody outside of us for not giving us the role or not treating us how they want us to be treated. Yeah, sure. There is some messy and ugly stuff happening out there. And believe me, there have been some nasty, dirty, hurtful stuff happening to me.

Well, we all can choose again, to remove ourselves from these situations to make a different choice, to decide that we’re choosing ourselves first and then everybody else’s needs. And that goes for if you’re a mother, an entrepreneur, you are a star in the ballet world. You’re an athlete; you’re an artist in any other different area.
And my body can make that choice. And we just made it so comfortable for us to say, well, the industry isn’t working like this anymore, and I have to be this way because the industry is this way. So I’m asking you, do you want to see the video of yourself of who you could be at the end of your life? Or do you actually want to beat up the person and sending you so much love!
I hope that this has been helpful for you. Do me a favor, share your most significant takeaway on your social media tag me tech point to rise. This is the only way I can actually know that you know what has resonated with you. What do you want to hear more about, and how can I serve you better? I’m sending you so much love.
Thank you for listening,

Bye guys.

So much ❤

Susanne

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About Susanne Puerschel

Susanne Head shot

Susanne, Founder of Pointe To Rise, an Empowerment society for dancers and other artists, Wellness Entrepreneur, podcast host, former international ballerina, and an experienced principal chief executive officer had the privilege to grow up behind the iron curtain in Berlin, Germany.
She’s dedicating her time now, after working in cooperate America and running her own businesses, to building community among dancers and artists, providing mindset and high-performance coaching, and building a media company that will be the springboard to revitalizing the Arts.

👉 Follow Susanne on Instagram | Facebook 

 

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