Susanne shares that over the past few days she has noticed herself reverting to old thoughts that no longer support her current journey. Through the conversation, she connects the self-comparison to how she is looking after herself within her week. Susanne challenges us to evaluate ourselves each day to better support ourselves.
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Are you still comparing to yourself?
Well, hello, and welcome to another episode of the Pointe To Rise podcast. My name is Susanne, and I’m your host today.
Today I want to talk to you about what I have been struggling with over the past couple of days. And that’s comparison, comparing myself to others. And let me back up a little bit because I thought I had all the tools for comparing and how to drown it out. I thought I had it all figured out. And then I’m not doing that anymore. And what I’m experiencing is when push comes to shove, when you’re stepping into that next version of yourself, I am here again. I am here comparing myself to what I believe others have already accomplished. I’m comparing myself to what I believe I need to be to succeed for what I believe to be to make R.I.S.E Media a success. And it’s just a mind game that I’m playing with myself, and it is eating up energy that I could be spending somewhere else. \
With this said, I know I talked on here about comparing ourselves and why we shouldn’t be doing that. But let me tell you, it is not as easy as that. We need to understand why we’re doing it. We need to be more intentional about understanding how we can work against our need to compare ourselves. And to do that, we need to know why we’re doing it. Let me start with that. Why are we comparing ourselves? So to be very clear, comparison only becomes toxic to ourselves when we bring our ego into the place. Comparing allows us to form a baseline for where we are in life and where we want to be. So it will enable us to take stock of and calibrate ourselves against anybody else or our peers, against our fellow students, friends, colleagues, what have you and against the people we look up to. So this is why there is comparison. We need to take stock to understand where we’re at without any judgment. The judgment when we’re bringing in the review of ourselves, and perhaps of others, is when comparison becomes toxic. So it becomes toxic because we are starting to compare our mediocre features to somebody’s very best features hoping or longing for actually having that. So we’re comparing ourselves to others allows them to be the driver of our behavior. So this type of comparison is between us, ourselves, and someone else. And sometimes it’s about something even genetic, something that we can’t control, like being taller or skinnier or capable of, I don’t know, jumping higher, anything like that. And we’re getting down into this rabbit hole. We are diminishing our features, meaning we are undermining and underplaying what we’re great at, and we’re putting our energy into the wrong basket. So again, when we compare ourselves to others, we often compare their best feature against our average ones. For example, it’s like when it’s like being right-handed and trying to play an instrument with our left hand, or you’re a left turner, and you’re going on stage and trying to do right turns all the time. We naturally want to be better than somebody else. The unconscious realization that we do not often become self-destructive. Here the critical meaning, we are concentrating on something that is not our superpower, trying to make that something that we can compare ourselves to others. Let’s talk about where that comes from the comparison need. Because it is so easy to go down that rabbit hole of saying, I am not good enough, I am not worthy of doing this, and I can’t do this; somebody else is doing it much better. It’s already there. It has already been done. Therefore, I will not be successful. And if everybody would be thinking like that, guys, nothing would be getting accomplished.
So I remember in the studio, how often did I look around and say, Wow, they’re getting all the roles, it’s because their feet are better, they’re getting all of this because they have this better. So I need to do this better again. And in my self-development journey, I have understood that I placed my worth on outside validation on outside things that I can control versus going within and saying, Hey, what am I capable of. And when we are becoming, or we’re putting ourselves into, let’s say, uncomfortable situations, when we’re putting ourselves into situations that we’re typically not in, we tend to default back into all beliefs or behaviors. And it’s in that moment where we get to make a choice. Do I believe these things? Still? Is that me? Or is it not? So today, on our walk, my husband and I walk every morning, most of the time, and I found myself in a not a good place. Honestly, I was saying there are companies out there that are already offering creatives a platform that, you know, they can make money on it and build their community. And so why am I doing this? And I, when that came flying out, I heard myself saying this word and said, Wow, this is not you anymore, says this is truly not who you want to be. You know that with this kind of mindset with this kind of attitude, that this kind of comparison. You will not get anywhere, nobody will believe you, nobody will buy into you. So what I am focusing on right now is drowning out all of these noises that make me compare myself to what others have achieved. It also makes me drawn out to compare myself to my past self, the one that was too scared to do these things. I was listening to a podcast yesterday, and this lady was explaining how her father, every week when he came home, every day, at the dinner table, he was asking her, what did she fail at? And if she couldn’t answer, he was disappointed. So he encouraged the children to fail as often as possible because failure occurs between the sets of successes! So we need to understand, especially when you’re back in the studio, you have changed, you have entirely changed, you may have just changed a little bit. But you are dealing with a new version of yourself. And looking at that version daily, having certain expectations, and then looking around and others that perhaps are different. And you’re not entirely secure yet at where you are at and who you want to become. That leaves more room to compare yourself to others. And having that is something not fruitful, meaning it’s not something inspirational for you and to drive you more forward. But something that could diminish who you have become or who you want to become. I hope that makes sense. So when you when we’re in this kind of fragile in-between state, it is so important to have that hyper-awareness of what thoughts are coming in and how you can choose differently. So you’re not going back to that old version of yourself that was so scared of stepping outside and doing new things. So to the comparison, in the studios, the comparison on stages, in auditions. I encourage you. I can so relate to this. I am going through it with you right now, just in a different form and facet, know that we all want to go down this rabbit hole, that we’re still, whatever we’re doing it because we’re not feeling enough. After all, we think that who we are and what we are capable of is not enough for somebody else. And my question is, is it sufficient for you? Can it be enough for you? Should it be enough for you? Do you think that somebody else can give you what you can’t give yourself? And I encourage you to think about that. Because I had to myself come to the conclusion nobody out there can ever, ever, ever give me what I lack myself, I need to find out myself. That is the journey right now. In releasing all of these comparison traps, you need to look on the outside, but you don’t have. And believe me when I say it is so hard to go within. And to understand that you are holding all the power. What you want to do is within you because we have been taught that everybody else has control over us. The director is deciding whether or not you get the role or the contract, the audience is deciding, the board is deciding, or whoever else is deciding. But if you allow other people to play around with you, you will never find stability within yourself. Meaning that everything you do consistently will be coming from a place of fear, lack, and shame. And letting that go starts with these tiny steps of understanding what thoughts you think when you are let’s look at, you know, standing in a studio, and you’re comparing yourself to that person standing in front of you, she’s sweating more. And the power lies in how can you or in your awareness of this not being a good thing for you, because it’s in your way, it’s not propelling you forward? And then how can you change that. And you understand that in between, it feels so uncomfortable, where your ego fights you to tooth and nail where it doesn’t want you to change. And where you get to say, Well, I’m just going to lean in, I’m just going to surrender, and that has been a game-changer for me. I am surrendering. I am completely open to everything great. And I am so surrendering to these thoughts coming in, letting them go, not attaching myself to them, and not judging either. Comparing ourselves to others is not something that will help you to get better. When you attach your ego to it, you’re comparing your average, not behaviors but capabilities to their best abilities. If you are the only person, and I’m sure you’ve heard this a million times, the only person you really should be comparing yourself to is yourself. Where were you yesterday? Where were your thoughts? How did you manage? How were you feeling? What did you eat? Did you take care of your body? Or how not, and what can you do better today? It’s that 1% progress. So look at yourself yesterday and decide where you want to go today.
That’s all I have for today. I’m sending you so much love.
Again, if this resonates with you if you want to learn more about how emotions play a role in our lives, drop me a DM or share one of your biggest takeaways of this podcast. I’m sending you so much love till soon. Bye-bye
I’m sending you so much ❤
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About Susanne Puerschel
Susanne, Founder of Pointe To Rise, an Empowerment society for dancers and other artists, Wellness Entrepreneur, podcast host, former international ballerina, and an experienced principal chief executive officer had the privilege to grow up behind the iron curtain in Berlin, Germany.
She’s dedicating her time now, after working in cooperate America and running her own businesses, to building community among dancers and artists, providing mindset and high-performance coaching, and building a media company that will be the springboard to revitalizing the Arts.