Coffee chat with Christy & Susanne | Why you should be taking responsibility for your actions.

Coffee chat with Christy & Susanne

August 5, 2021

 

Christy & Susanne connecting this week over events in their lives this past week. Come join us with no judgment. We are holding space to learn, laugh, and downright pointe at ourselves.

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Coffee chat with Christy & Susanne | Why you should be taking responsibility for your actions.

Welcome back to Coffee Chat with Christine & Susanne. Christy, would you do me the honor and read the title today? I want to give some insight into how we decide what we’re talking about this week.

Your competition isn’t other people. Your competition is your procrastination, your ego, the unhealthy food you’re consuming. The knowledge you neglect, the negative behavior you’re nurturing, and your lack of creativity compete against that.

So, this week, I asked Christy, as I’ve got nothing, girl, I need your help. And this is what she sent back. I could not agree more. I think this is something we should address. Performing artists always believe that they compete with so many other variables that are entirely outside of them. And that’s let’s debunk that myth. Let’s rewrite that story. Let’s take some responsibility.

Maybe make it a little easier for you. But before we even dive into this, Christy, how was your week, my love?

My week was interesting; I spent most of it in bed, I did not feel well. And I think that this was a sign both physically and mentally, and emotionally that I was meant to hit the pause button.

I have a reflex to lead with my analytical side a lot of times and my thinking side to make decisions. It’s been evident over these last couple of months, three months maybe. That is no longer with the operating system that I need to be functioning. It needs to be coming from a soul level, and something that few I’m feeling pulled to, not that my mind rationally decides is a good decision for me. And while just laying about, that came up for me very strongly this week. That you know it, I have to be very aware of where the decisions are coming from for me. And I know we live in a world where the operating system is our thinking mind. I’ve found a lot more ease and flow and a lot more inspiration and creativity when I’ve been able to drop down out of that mode and into feeling what’s going on inside that quieter voice. What is she saying? So it’s been very clear that it’s time to rest and reflect again. So that’s been my week, but I am feeling much better. It’s, I have the strength to at least be
vertical now. So that’s helpful. But this is also a testament to the growth that I wasn’t impatient about the rest that I accepted it and received it, and I’ve gotten a lot of excellent sleep and a lot of really needed reflection.

I love that. You’re not the only one who has had that experience. I have another friend who came back from two retreats. One that she held and one she was a taking part. She was literally out of commission for two weeks after that.

She mentioned she doesn’t even know what’s happening and does not know that that’s not physical. I want to go as far as bacterias and viruses are taking over our bodies at times. I genuinely believe that there is always a reason that in a moment where we invited that in, where we hoped for it to show up so that we could take either a break. Our feeling mind needs that break to reset to have those parts that no longer serve us die off and reframe refresh, to recharge, to rise out of the ashes.

Procrastination

I was sitting a lot of procrastination. Let us talk about the real root of procrastination at one point and dive into that because I’m an expert and a total procrastinating expert. I’m also an expert in convincing myself that I get overwhelmed fairly quickly. I no longer buy into that story. I am not a person that procrastinates; I want to be different. And how does that look? So for me, I started taking a look at my schedule and what my schedule looks like. I have four out of convenience. And because I don’t want to invest much time in thinking about how I should structure my day, that feels overwhelming.

What can I do differently? Because right now, I’m at a point where a lot is coming at me. And if I am not careful, it’s going to be so overwhelming that I’m not taking any actions, meaning I’m procrastinating a lot though that’s no longer who I am. So what ways can I find? How can I look at 24 hours in my day in a different way? What are other people that are high-performing doing? How are they managing? What is running a sprint versus a marathon? Twenty-four hours feels super long. What if I chunk it down into 100 yards or 200? yard increments? What does that look like? Will I be able to give 100% every time? What does it look like? And then how do I recover? With that, I am more productive. So that’s where I’m at right now.

Freakin love it. Because it pushes me to a level that I always want to be at, but I didn’t know how and I believe that I wasn’t there, but now it feels okay. I am approaching that portal. So how am I going to walk through it and live it?

What are your qualifications?

I also have been asked this week. What qualifies you to lead a media company and ignite change in the performing arts? My throat tightened, and I thought absolutely nothing. That was my inherent thought in my mind. And I shared that with my mentor. Okay, so how do I armed myself when these questions are coming up? Because that’s not a good answer. And, it is also not the truth. So how do I find the truth? I recorded a podcast just around that that we don’t give ourselves enough credit at any given point. I mean, think back, Christy, when we were performing without a compliment ever, I mean, how awful did that feel?

Like, how much pride do we take and deflecting that compliment when it came? Or did we say, no, no, no, no, that is nothing?

That push and pull just never fit together. And I also realized with us not allowing ourselves to see how great we are at any given stage and where we are, we deny ourselves our future success. Because if I cannot see how great I am right now, I will also not see what’s down the road for me.

And I think that’s where so many performing artists hold themselves back in so many ways. And with that, they hold back the floodgates of income coming in, because let’s be honest, they don’t think they deserve anything of any kind of value or rewards or monetization or have you just work for free, it feels much better. Then you can slide into that rut or self-talk. ‘I can’t do a thing today. I can’t think of anything today. I don’t want to listen to anybody.’ Would you please tell me what else I have to do?
Because it’s not you choosing that moment, however, that’s what you want to be aware of so that you can lean into that and recognize it so you can realign with what you want.

Looking for competition

Let’s talk about that quote because it’s not the first time that I came across it. I think, out of comfort and out of familiarity, we seek
our own greatness. And are we? Do we look for competition? See, she doesn’t, so I can’t. And looking at other people what they’re great at, not using it as proof that we can do it. But we look for it as a benchmark. Well, that’s a lie. Nobody else out there can ever tell you what you are capable of and what you’re not capable of. That’s on you. That is solely your business. That is what you are going to figure out. What you believe you can do is what you’re capable of doing. It’s on you.
When you’re reading that quote, why did you choose that?

Well, it’s just brought up so much of the way I used to exist.

I mean, in really every aspect of my life, I never had the worthiness to feel. I could compare myself to myself. I didn’t think that I was good enough to be the one that I saw. I had an underlying feeling of never being enough in any aspect. So I was always striving, which is another thing that came up. At the same time, I was horizontal all week. The programming for me is all there, constantly striving because the underlying of that is because there’s still feeling of not-enoughness, like and there’s a very fine line for me, between wanting to better myself and not feeling it’s because I don’t feel enough. So I’ve got to do something to feel a certain way. That just came up because I know that I’m not alone in this, in that kind of behavior. And I know that it’s so prevalent in the arts, and we’re so used to sizing one another up in a role that we might share, or sizing each other up in an audition, or sizing each other up for
class. I would do it in class like we’re just in class, you’re in class for yourself, you’re in class too, warm up your body or work on your technique or whatever, you’re in class for yourself, supposedly, but I wasn’t. It’s a great statement that I think is not the viewpoint of the arts for most people.

Take responsibility fully for ourselves.

I think most people are competing against other people to get themselves to another level then, but they’re not competing with themselves. They’re not aware of the energy they’re exerting mentally on themselves. Are you in optimal health? And are you comparing yourself to someone who is and you’re not? It’s like it’s another way to take the responsibilities off ourselves and put it onto somebody else.

And why do we do that? Why do we not take responsibility fully for ourselves? Why do we put it into other people’s hands? And I’m asking the question because I have lived so many years that way. I didn’t understand that it was all me. It’s you getting humble to look at yourself. You know, and if you’re not willing to do that.

It’s sometimes too painful to look at the behavior you’re doing that creates your reality. It would be best if you got humble because I remember that I would get mad when I started doing that. I would get triggered by myself, but like, with myself, it would irritate me, and I didn’t want to look at it.

There’s the humble level that needs to be there for you to be ready to do that. Do you think it is because our unworthiness would actually for a moment become more prevalent when we look at and take full responsibility?

Not having any way to blame? What are the thoughts that are going through your mind? What is that thought when you don’t get the role? Or you’re not getting the contract? Like, who are you? What are the ideas that are coming in? Is it another one that didn’t like me? I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t pretty enough. I wonder what it was this time? Like, how can I adjust? What do I need to do to fit in? All of those things? What goes through my mind? But these are such powerless thoughts? So not creating a new reality. They’re just really driving in where you’re at?

And really, who’s in charge at that moment? These thoughts are from your subconscious mind, and they’re coming from past emotions. They are not going to create something that you’re looking forward to? So, therefore, you might as well not.

Because you’re not in charge yet? Yes, you are. You are creating something you don’t want that you think somebody else is making for you, when you’re not taking responsibility for this kind of thought, like even having the awareness that these ideas are coming in and how you can rewrite them to create something different.

I think that’s where responsibility comes in. For yourself, right? Yeah. And we’re not saying responsibility equals self-doubt and not being enough, and I’m doing something wrong all the time. Accepting that if it still is in your life, and it comes over and over and over again. With that, you know, you are in the driver’s seat that you can change that. If you can lovingly look at yourself and say, I create art. But if I can make that, then I can choose something else to create it too. Right. And I think that’s where the sweet switch is.

Look at all the justifications I have of my unworthiness. Get to the bottom of it in the first place. So you can release it. Because if we don’t, first flip the switch of understanding. Then our subconscious dictates everything that comes into our life. So if we don’t look at it, heal it, accepts ‘x’, you can bet I have received it. I’ve been back, taking myself back in time when a situation or a person or something was said to me. I locked in a part of it, the unworthiness that kept getting built up with different scenarios. But I’ve gone back and felt that and said, it’s okay to feel crappy about that. It’s okay to feel sad about that. And accept that and let that emotion out now. Then it can just be released because that’s how you break the cycle. Otherwise, if you don’t do that, you’re tricking yourself into thinking you’re going to do something else. If you haven’t healed that wound, it turns into a scar, then a deep wound. Still, you’re just going to do that same cycle over again. And this is getting a little deep. But that’s really where it starts, what the statement I made when we first started. This is the first step to flipping the mirror on yourself and getting empowering. I have the capabilities of making these changes, and then you got to get to the bottom of it. Otherwise, that’s why we are all walking around perpetually hurt all the time.

We can either decide to have a temporary amount of hurt or go back to those scenarios that brought us there in the first place and let them go. Or ignore them still, and we’re perpetuating a lot more hurt still to carry on that will be reflective in our lives.

Not taking responsibility for ourselves shows up in our life.

Let’s give a few nuggets on what are some behaviors that identify this kind of statement?
Then what are a few tools that we can give you to help you through to switch that?

Behaviors and procrastination. I was sneaky because I would procrastinate if I started to feel overwhelmed or not good enough, I would end up in the kitchen most of the time. I would eat something. Most of the time, it wouldn’t be something that was for my highest good. And I use that as a tool to heal, which it didn’t. Then it just made me feel worse because we needed something to make us fit. That was a twofer for that because I would be eating something. I knew it wasn’t even hungry, first of all. So number one, I shouldn’t be eating when I am not hungry.

I wasn’t making good choices. And I would allow that to elevate my stress level. It was a domino. I would be procrastinating. Then I would find myself in the kitchen, make me make bad choices. And then

Whatever I experienced and whatever it didn’t work the way I wanted it. I was very quick to blame somebody else and talk about it all the time. I was very fast and deflecting the thoughts that were coming out? Well, maybe it’s you. I’m just like, No, not me. Everybody else, not me. Like it didn’t even occur to me that I could be a part of this. And, frankly, we’re always a part of it. Because at one point, we just didn’t decide to either walk away or have the conversation or make a different choice. So whatever is happening to us, or for us, is what we created, like it’s not, it can be as bad as you want to, and you can say, why is this happening to me? The reason for that will reveal itself later on. But at the moment, you know, it’s us.

So for me, I used to, and I still like to, and I also pass it on to my children. Like, let’s say they fall on my dog. Did you have to lay in the way, you know, always swift to blame somebody else? And even though she was like in a different room, it would still be the dog that they fall over. But that was me totally like it’s a mirror held in front of my face.

Not taking responsibility for anything, and are not just talking about the studio. Everything in life, from relationships that didn’t work out to conversations that didn’t work the way you wanted them to. What else I can relate to is the procrastination and finding myself in the fridge. Also, I get tired when I procrastinate.

Yeah, no, you’re just going to sleep because you don’t want to deal with it. You don’t want to take responsibility. When I don’t want to take responsibility, I find myself either on my phone, or I’m going to meditate, ‘nap.’ I am also slipping into tasks that I know exactly how to do them.

They feel comfortable there, like, oh, why don’t I just put on another load of laundry? Why don’t I clean the house? Or why don’t I record another podcast episode? So I don’t have to do what is really in front of me that would move me forward.

Yeah, I didn’t even know it until I read the big leap by Gay Hendricks. It took quite a bit to realize what was going on. That’s what’s happening here.

Like how I was manipulating myself in, so I wouldn’t take responsibility for my actions. The ego is very cunning and very good at justifying so many actions of why it has to be a certain way.

And it can’t possibly be something else. I think that that’s why this journey is such an evolution because there’s so much you have to uncover of so many different levels of awareness you have to discover, and that one is deep. Those kinds of behaviors that ultimately what we both described as a victim mentality come from? It could come from a plethora of reasons from our past. But eventually, like we were, most people are operating with some victim mentality because it’s just it’s, it’s easier, and it feels better on the ego to blame somebody else. That’s really like Pandora’s box of excuses.

Pandora’s box of excuses

Companies are making excuses. I bet you have heard this before. I can’t pay you enough. I cannot pay you. Your $1,000 a week, I can only give you $550. They are not taking responsibility. The excuse, because this donor hasn’t given or we had to pay this insurance or whatever. Also, not taking responsibility for their actions. That kind of behavior makes me angry.

The first step is to be aware that you do it. And see what comes up? Does this trigger you? Does this make you reflect or not? Or can you go? Yeah, okay, that’s me. So it’s first able to hear the statement. And sit, however, it is like, quietly or with a pen and paper if that is your jam, and just look at these areas and say, am I behaving competitively with other people or behaving like this in these areas, and that that’s first you have to be able to admit it. And look at your behaviors and yourself with a clear line.

And be okay with whatever those answers are without judgment. That’s, that would be first. Because if you can’t admit that you do these things, and you might not do all of them, but if you do some of these things, the first part is being okay with that, and then you can do something about it. If we don’t know where we are, we can go forward, right? Because we don’t know where the gap is that we have to close.

When we are gaining awareness of what we’re doing, then it is checking in with ourselves. You know, if you’re doing that once a year, it’s like, oh, well, where am I at? Where’s my awareness at? Am I in the driver’s seat?

Self-checking forty times out of the 100 times. But with 40 times, you’re not going to get 100% of the results. So you need to check in more often. The more often you check-in, the more you will be able to change your behavior because you’re continually assessing.

How often do you check-in? And we know you do a lot. And therefore, check in with where you’re at in your life, taking responsibility.

Does that person next to you at barre make you feel when her leg is higher? Is that something that inspires you and makes you ask questions, or turn to her and say, I love what you’re doing? Can you quickly give me two tips on how you’ve got there, and then apply it, then you’re in a really good spot. But if that deflates you. Suppose you look at her and blame her for not getting the roles or the contracts or the spot in the company you want to be. I would suggest you dive into that feeling because it’s not on them. It’s not her fault. It’s not the director’s fault. It’s your business, you there’s something that you didn’t do, or you don’t have, or you’re denying yourself that led you not to believe and that you’re capable of getting there. So it’s that checking in every day.

I heard this morning. High-performance people checked with themselves every hour to see okay; how much further did I get ahead? What have I done? How can I apply the gap or the learning over this part? It’s very intentional, around where you want to go? And how do you want to feel?

You can set goals, but where are they coming from? Do you even care? Some things in these last year and a half that I’ve won tuned in to how I felt. I don’t care about that. Why am I trying to achieve that? It’s what I’m trying to achieve to be something? So I fill up the cup when I don’t care about the cup. Why did I do something that didn’t fire me up? Why am I going for that because I don’t feel good enough? I’m operating from that place. That is huge because, for me, that’s change running in some rat race of just trying to justify, I’m successful, I’m good. I’m good enough. I could do all the affirmations in the world. Do I feel what I’m doing? And that’s changing everything. Because I can tell you the operating system that I functioned from for most of my life, which is a reflex, something I have to be aware of, was just, check the boxes.

The thing that you think you like to care so much about? Do you care about it? Does that really matter? Or are you just trying to show somebody that you matter?

Isn’t that what we’re doing when we’re auditioning? Isn’t that what we’re doing every day in the studio? When we come in, already defeated by score on social media looking at everybody else. Thinking they are so much better and we have no place in this company anyway, we are already defeated, we have no self-esteem left. And that’s how we show up, not taking control of our own life.

But finding rescue in somebody else’s, and then comparing ours to theirs. And of course, do we not find anything that’s worthy in our own life? Because we don’t even know of it because we have not taken control yet. Knowing your powers is being in a powerful position. The reason I did not want to show up powerful was that my relationship with power was backward.

I thought influential people are bad people. They screw other people over. They hurt other people. They manipulate other people. They’re seen as evil. And I didn’t want to be that way.

That’s not the truth. From what I’ve seen or heard, that was just my story, even from my mother or from others?

No, that’s not what it is. And that’s where I had to lean into what does it mean? What does owning my power mean? That’s where the power lies that we can make that choice for ourselves. We don’t have anybody else telling us what that means to us because nobody else has us. And understanding that owning your own choices has so many beautiful sides. Sometimes it does not feel good. No, because we have to eat the humble pie. And then you move on because you learn.

I would rather be with people making so many mistakes and owning them than with people blaming others because that is not the energy that I want to be in anymore. I can’t even go there. It’s revolting to me; I must remove myself immediately.

I would suggest, and even thinking back to it, that maybe you even start with understanding what owning your power means. Or with taking responsibility, like what do you associate with? Is this something that lays heavy for you? Or does that give you the feeling of regaining some more energy?

The industry doesn’t, isn’t naturally behaving in this way. The industry is naturally behaving, the opposite of the statement that we have discussed.

Going back to how you feel, does it feel good? Is it something that you want to keep doing? Is it something that energizes you by acting that way? Or is it starting to drain you, and you need some higher vibrational to keep you feeling like you. You love what you’re doing every day like you love to keep striving, and you love to be in your creative zone. So if it feels draining if the way you behave feels draining, that is it.

We have to tune into subtle cues that there’s something that is not quite in alignment with you anymore. And so if you feel that which again, I will say, if you’ve been listening for 108 podcasts, you probably feel that tug. But somehow, there’s something that Susanne brings out in you that is in resonance that you want to implement; that’s the start. If you’re feeling that tug, then it’s okay that nobody else around you might be behaving in this way. But you’re ready to step into new behavior because it feels right for you.

You can. All you need is your light and that own little inner tug for you to go. It’s okay; if you don’t see it around you, you follow what feels right in your heart and what you’re feeling.

We’ve taught ourselves so beautifully over the training period and wherever you are at right now. Everything else is not a high-performing state of being. Perhaps isn’t that what has been taught to us? That’s at least what I remember. You had to be always on, meaning happy.

So if you are not used to any other emotions, or even labeling what you’re feeling, then that will be your very first step, and be patient. Know, this is not something you unlearn. This is your natural state. You will have to unlearn and let go of all the other beliefs that have piled themselves up in you. It’s just a matter of decision. .

Christy and I would love it. If you could share your most significant takeaway here on social media with us, it would make our day. It would make our week because then we know that we’re, speaking to actual human beings. And we also want to invite you to ask questions, what are the topics you want to talk about?
We want to know because we can come up with everything under the sun, everything that matters to us, but what matters to us may not matter to you. We want to serve you, so, therefore, let’s let us know. Ask the questions. Let us know what you want.

Yeah. Okay, we’re sending you so much love. Thank you for being here. Thank you for always listening and till next time.

So much ❤ Susanne

Important Links:

  • About Christy Little

    PTR 31 | Personal DevelopmentFormer professional dancer turned entrepreneur who is passionate about living in purpose and assisting people to see the greatness inside of them to live their ideal life.

 

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