From perfect to supportive

SUSANNE TALK

April 20, 2021

Susanne chats about how she has realized that the need to be perfect has been passed on from generation to generation, that kind of a belief. And we have given in to that belief because it has been modeled to us.

 

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From perfect to supportive…

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Pointe To Rise podcast. My name is Susanne, and I am your host today. Thank you so much for tuning in on today’s episode of Susanne’s talks. I want to talk to you about perfectionism. Well, so here’s the deal. I have often spoken about perfectionism on this platform, but I never shared my own experiences with it.

And my own deeply own perspective that I have owned over the past couple of months. And it was a little bit different or newer or riper from me. And I just have a little bit more clarity that I want to offer to you. And I think it could actually help you to step out of that perfection train. So when we’re looking at perfection and when we’re looking at dance and what is real.

Maybe it has never been asked of us to be perfect per se, but subconsciously, it was always ideal to be not the best that you can be but perfect, flawless; otherwise, you are not worth anything. Otherwise, you won’t make it to the top. That was the belief, or that’s what’s.

Basically being passed on from generation to generation, that kind of a belief. And we have given in to that belief because it seemed easy. It seemed well. Yeah, everybody on stage needs to be perfect; otherwise, the public won’t like us; otherwise, people will not come and see the show, and that is not where we are anymore.

Nowadays. Putting on a performance. It’s not about being perfect. Showing up on social media is not being about perfect; arts are not being about perfect. And that is to be quite honest; all of this is in our hands to change that. And when I look at how I developed and how all of these things actually came up for me, you know, I never really started something or saw to the end because I always thought it had to be perfect and it wasn’t perfect.

It would not work. And I was shutting and cutting myself off from the ability to make mistakes and to learn. So. With you believing that you can not deliver anything, perfect will actually have you stuck somewhere where you’re not allowed to make mistakes, somewhere where you’re not allowed to learn.

And the only way to evolve, the only way to learn is by making mistakes. And if you’re not allowing yourself to make those mistakes, you will always. Be stuck in a certain mindset at a certain point. You will not be willing to learn new skillsets. Everything in your body will shut down. When you want to learn something, you will come up with excuses.

I was always striving for that perfectionism, which led me to no change, but to people please, to completely forget who I was and who I wanted to be Click To Tweet

When you’re being pushed outside of your perfection zone to not go there, learn something new, surround yourself with new people, or look at your life from a different perspective. So what did that look like in my life, and where do I still struggle with that? So when I look at it, I think procrastination was 100% something that really profoundly came into my life.

It almost froze me from stepping forward, genuinely stepping outside of my comfort zone because I was so against making mistakes. I have learned over the past, I don’t know, 30, 45 years, that making mistakes means that I am unworthy and that being perfect is the only way to. Really beloved. Now take that in a relationship with children; bear that in a business relationship.

There is no way that anything like that would ever be perfect. And yet I was always striving, striving, striving. I was always striving for that perfectionism, which led me to no change, but to people please, to completely forget who I was and who I wanted to be to—reserve to burn out and then be completely crushed.

And with that, that kind of perfectionism thriving thinking that that is the only way of gaining love and attention. I actually cut myself off from making mistakes again had myself off of learning. And I think this, this learning piece is so important because the time I spent on procrastinating to think, is this good enough to send out?

Or is this something that I am prepared enough for instead of? Doing it. And then going back, Hey, this work, this didn’t work. I’ll do this better next time. And seeing feedback as a gift.

The need to be perfect in the studio will also translate into your life, your, outside of the studio life. Believe me, it will show up because you trained yourself to believe that no matter where or what or how. Anything you are doing has to be perfect, and it will inhibit your ability to learn, make mistakes, and evolve, so that’s asking a different question. What would it look like? Not to how can I say that? Then, the need of being perfect when you’re stepping back into the studio now, let’s be honest—the companies. Over the past year may not have changed their vision, their mission, their, their outlook on life, their perception of what they are wanting, what if they’re asking you more and more and more, perhaps because out of fear to be perfect or to show has to be excellent.

When you are not in that space anymore, when you don’t have that mindset anymore. What kind of pressure and stress are you actually putting yourself under when you’re in that kind of energy again? Do I really have an answer? What can you do 100%? It’s all. No, I can give you some suggestions on what you.

What could your options be now? Does that fit all? No. So that is for you to try on, to see what works best for you. And to understand that there will always be different options. And what worked for you today may not work for you tomorrow because you are a human being; you’re evolving, you’re growing.

You are changing, and that is okay. So one example that I have that I would personally explore. If I were, you would be, how strong can you become in your mind? The ask of being perfect. Get to you meaning? What kind of personal development do you have to undergo yourself? To not be receptive to this kind of fear energy that is being put back onto you.

So that would be one thing. And that will be starting with really exploring. How do you feel about being perfect? What kind of emotions does it spark in you as evoking any type of feel or lack of thinking? Oh my goodness, I’m not good enough. Or what am I going to do?

I’m not perfect. But what if I fit in my costume? What if, like, look at how your personal relationship with perfection is right, right now, and look at it with no judgment and all there is no bad or good or not good enough in this scenario. Okay. Learning. It can always be ugly and dirty and beautiful at the same time.

So really, give yourself the grace to look at it entirely without any judgment. And then, for me, another way of looking at the whole profession thing and how I would navigate my way through the company at this point in my development, I actually couldn’t be able to. To be around it anymore because it would not align with what I’m standing for.

It would not align with where I want to go. It is not aligning with my goals, but my personal goals, who I want to be, how I want to be seen, and how I show up in the world. And for me, I would look for, for a different place to, to have employment to be quite honest. So now I’m not saying that that is you that you have to do that. Just know that if that voice becomes louder and you feel more uncomfortable in these kinds of scenarios, it truly means that at this time to move on, and that’s okay; it’s your life.

It’s your career. You get one, one career. And if you look at it from a perspective, am I good enough for them? Then I can understand that kind of fear. Of not wanting to change and somewhat shrink yourself back to, I have to be perfect, but if you look at it, Hey, what do they have to offer me? Is what and who they are actually aligning with who I am and who I want to be.

Are they going to grow and help me support my growth and become the best artists, the best dancer that I can be? Then that would be a different story. If you feel comfortable speaking up and voicing your opinion, even if it’s around, you know what is being asked of you.

A different perspective to look at life, your career, and everything you’re doing. So, when I let go off, and it is a process still, I am not saying that I have mastered it every day. Oh gosh, no, but if you are looking at is just going to help me grow. Is this good for me? Is this going to fill my cup?

Versus am I going to be good enough? Am I going to be perfect? That will change your perception of perfection and whether or not you have to strive for it, or if perfection is your end all be all. I hope you understand what I mean. So if you change your perception, if you change your perspective, you may also attract other things in your life.

Living in the complete and utter chase of perfectionism is not a sustainable way of running your life or your career; you will be burned out to the point of no return. And yeah. Don’t waste your life like this. You don’t have to. There are other ways of doing it. I am sending you so much love. Thank you for listening.

If this resonates with you, please share your latest, biggest takeaway on your IG and tag me. And I will make sure that I will tag you too, so much. Love to you. Take care. So next time.

So much ❤

Susanne

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About Susanne Puerschel

Susanne Head shot

Susanne, Founder of Pointe To Rise, an Empowerment society for dancers and other artists, Wellness Entrepreneur, podcast host, former international ballerina, and an experienced principal chief executive officer had the privilege to grow up behind the iron curtain in Berlin, Germany.
She’s dedicating her time now, after working in cooperate America and running her own businesses, to building community among dancers and artists, providing mindset and high-performance coaching, and building a media company that will be the springboard to revitalizing the Arts.

👉 Follow Susanne on Instagram | Facebook 

 

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Past Episodes 

There is a better way to pursue ballet at the professional level. Instead of dancers pushing beyond their body’s limits, there is a healthier way to train your body, your mind and your spirit to soar. To become the best at your craft, you must be healthy. The mentality of surviving to make a performance perfect is an old paradigm that needs to change. As athletes, dancers must thrive in order to shine and connect with their audience. This new approach, leads to fulfillment, strength and longevity. It allows you to give more of your heart and soul on stage, creating an unforgettable experience that moves your audience. And that’s the whole pointe. 

THE POINTE TO RISE MANIFESTO