Building confidence is a sure way to achieve your goals and having the required resiliency to face every challenge ahead. But with the standards and expectations imposed by society on everyone, many suffer from self-doubt. Susanne Puerschel sits down with Jessica Burgio, aka The Beauty Mentor, to talk about how Jessica overcame the awkwardness and insecurities as a child, thanks to the right coaches who guided her along the way. This allowed her to become a successful bodybuilder, a hair and makeup artist, and a confidence coach in her own right. Delving into her inspiring life journey, Jessica explains how to believe in yourself by doing simple self-care practices, knowing your skill sets and boundaries, and embracing a life purpose even bigger than yourself.
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Jessica Burgio On Building Confidence Through The Right Mentorship
In this episode, our special guest is Jessica Burgio. I met her through a mastermind that I attended through Lori and Chris Harder in September 2020 and we became friends. We also realized that the beauty industry and the performing arts industry are struggling with the same things, having the same challenges, and also experience success in the same way. Jessica Burgio, known as The Beauty Mentor, is a confidence coach for beauty industry professionals. She is also a former salon owner with over twenty years behind the chair experience and Founder of the Beauty Inspires Beauty Podcast.You won't be able to sustain your success if you don't believe you're worthy of having it. Click To Tweet
Jess has been a successful entrepreneur since 2001 and is grateful for all the experience the beauty industry has taught her. During her twenty years in the industry, she has coached and mentored stylists to have their successful businesses and now made this her priority to help beauty professionals achieve their dreams. With a strong background in fitness and self-care, not only does Jess inspire beauty pros to grow their business confidently but to do so in a way that focuses on their health and wellbeing. Being successful in the beauty industry is 100% possible with education, confidence, proper strategies and having a set of non-negotiables. Beauty industry professionals can create the life they desire and as the beauty mentor, it is Jess’s true passion to help them to do so. Without further ado, here is our conversation.
Jess, thank you so much for coming to the show. This conversation has been in the plans for such a long time. I’m grateful. I said that we met through a mastermind that you were a coach and I was a student, and this is how we formed a relationship. I am super grateful for that, too because if I hadn’t then, I wouldn’t have you here and have you always as a friend in my back pocket. Thank you.
Thank you. It’s such an honor to see you bring this to life and to watch how much you’ve grown. I’m excited to be a part of your movement and what you’re trying to create and do for so many people. I’m honored to be here as well.
Let’s start with your journey. You can take us back as far as you want to. You have been in the fitness industry and the beauty industry. How did you get in there and your journey to now? That will be lovely.
Looking back in regards to where I am now and what shaped me, being a performer, competitor, dancer, and gymnast from a very young age taught me discipline and structure. I am a very creative person when it comes to life. I like to be free and do whatever I feel like. I don’t like a lot of boxes and boundaries, like most creatives. Luckily my mom saw that in me and focused my energy into gymnastics early on, which was the first thing I started with at five and fell in love with it. I’ve always been a good athlete, not a great athlete. I’m good enough to do things but I never got to a competitive level and I think it was because I didn’t ever take things super seriously. I didn’t have the structure and the regimen.
My mom was easy to be like, “If you don’t feel like going, that’s okay.” I do look back and wish sometimes she would’ve pushed me harder because who knows? If I was good at something, that means I probably could have been great at it if I put my head down and ground, but I do love that approach to parenting. I never should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. Gymnastics led me into dance and being told what to do also was hard. It was always hard for me to learn choreography and steps. I always had to have extra help and extra practice. I thought, “Maybe this isn’t for me,” but I’d love to dance. I love the expression of moving my body.
As a woman, doing sports, gymnastics, and dance made me learn my body, how things felt and how to move energy. I didn’t know it then but looking back at how it served me as an adult and as someone who’s confident in who I am and how I can show up. I own myself fully, always, whether I’m in great shape, a little heavier, pregnant and weigh almost 200 pounds, whether I’m about to step on the bodybuilding stage at my leanest. I know what I bring and it’s thanks to the arts of dancing gymnastics and having positive mentors and coaches.
I didn’t think of them as we think of coaches and mentors now. I was lucky as a kid to have some great coaches growing up who pushed me, helped me, showed you the possibility, and told you, “Everything was possible. Yes, you can do it. Don’t quit.” A lot of children don’t get told that on the regular. I grew up thinking, “I could do anything. I can achieve anything. I can try anything.” It did create a squirrel brain who was like, “I can do that.” I like to do all the things, which is fine if you can find balance.
Growing up in gymnastics and dance got me into cheerleading as well. I can’t follow choreography. They were like, “You’re good at cheering. You’re one of the biggest girls on the team. You stand out front and tumble and then you become a base.” They found a place for me. Being as strong as I am, I was about this size in high school. I was a big girl. Everyone still weighed 98 pounds and I was around 130 pounds. They found a place for me. Even in a pretty girl, girly girl, little girl type of a cheerleading thing, I fit in still. My loudness and slight abrasiveness were looked upon as a leader. That’s when they first went, “You should be the captain of the cheer squad,” and I was like, “Okay. I like to tell people what to do and I don’t like to be told what to do.”
It’s interesting how you find your roles in different situations. That was my athletic background and it kept me out of trouble too. Being part of groups taught me how to work with women, figure things out, compromise and have an opinion but also value someone else’s opinion. Many amazing things that, even you asking me these questions, I hadn’t thought about how much that had brought into my life. Now, as an adult, I can walk into any situation and be a part of any group demographic. I know what I bring and who I am.
It’s helped me become a very confident person. It’s what’s turned me into being so passionate about helping other people find their confidence. I know that’s probably a big struggle in your industry, too and focus on dancers is. They can know how good they are technically at something, but is that confidence there that they can show up, perform, get the jobs, do the things? What you’re doing is needed and important because it’s not always talked about. It’s like, “Are you good? Can you make the cut?” That’s all that matters. All of the other things that we’ve talked about that you were trying to do for the industry are all of the missing components.
We never look at them. You said many good things. We could use this everywhere. I am grateful for your mom. As a mom myself, giving our children the gift to let them know that they can do everything they can think of. It is important because there are many boxes that society tries to fit them into. That we are forgetting to let them know about everything possible, I love that. I believe that is the best gift we can give them because we’re giving them confidence and confidence is important to be able to fulfill your dreams, to believe in yourself, and to make everything happen. You can have all the skills you want to, but if you don’t believe in yourself and you don’t have that confidence, forget it. My career was the best example. You’re in the beauty industry and we’ve had these conversations over and over again. The way you coached me is like, “If you don’t believe that you are capable, you can have every skill you want to and you will not get there.”
If you somehow get there, you won’t be able to sustain it because you don’t believe you’re worthy to have it, do it and be at all the things. There are so many people that stumble upon success and it’s short-lived because they don’t believe that they’re meant to be in that space or to hold that space.
You said something so beautiful, “You are confident and you love and accept yourself the way you are in every stage that you’re entering and every level.” Take us on that journey because that is not something that comes easy. That is for many people, particularly women, something so hard to find. You and I had this conversation about my insecurities and how I’m struggling with this new body that is building and finding my worth because my worth was many years was attached to some different version of myself. This is super helpful to the readers to have a few steps that one can take to find that inner peace and acceptance.Feeling unworthy and confident don't really work well together. Click To Tweet
Acceptance is the best word you could use. It’s a journey and still a daily practice. Almost like anything that you have to do, it’s not, you eat the salad and now you’re skinny. It’s not just, “I think the thought and then I am.” It’s so much more around what I have to offer. I did get stuck on the physicality of what I’m looking being what I have to offer. Genetically, I got lucky. My mom’s beautiful. My grandma’s beautiful. I feel like I’m a pretty girl. That carried me for a while. It’s interesting because you wrap yourself in that.
I can’t even put it into words, but at playing sports, I stayed in shape for the most part of that. I didn’t have to worry about what I ate, even though I was the bigger girl. With cheerleading, I served a purpose by being a little bit thicker and more muscular. I found myself being okay with what I look like, but I knew early on that my legs were bigger than everybody else’s at my age. I probably shouldn’t wear short shorts because it wasn’t flattering.
When you’re a kid, you put on a little weight. Most kids go through a slightly pudgy phase. I remember being at my grandparents’ house. I got up at a scale in the garage and it said 130 pounds. I remember thinking, “That seems like a lot.” I was in sixth grade at the time. I was a 130–pound sixth-grader. I was tall. I was 5’5 already in sixth grade. Even then, I played soccer and did gymnastics. I didn’t feel like I was too big, but I always was aware of it and that my legs and arms were bigger. I wouldn’t wear tank tops because I was afraid if I clap my hands and my arms would get jiggly and move. Same with my legs. I didn’t want to wear shorts. My mom has very bottom–heavy. She’d walk around and you see her cellulite. I thought, “I never want to look like that. What can I do to make sure I don’t ever have legs like that?” I want to wear tank tops. That’s when I discovered lifting weights shortly after high school. The sports ended. I didn’t have anything to focus on. I was working out.
I toyed around with working out. I didn’t know what I was doing. I got a personal trainer and he started to teach me the mechanics of movement. I was at the gym with one girl one day. She and I were working out and this older guy walks up to me, “Do you compete in figure?” I said, “Figure skating?” He said, “No. Figure bodybuilding. You got shoulders. You should compete.” I was like, “I don’t know what that is. Tell me more.”
He walked me out to the parking lot. I don’t know who this guy is. He’s like the 60-year-old with gold chains. It’s the old school gym. I still know Siggy to this day. Siggy takes me to his car and gives me a business card of this girl named Gina Aliotti, who was at the time an IFB pro figure competitor. She was about five years younger than me. He gives me her number and says, “You call her, you compete. You go.” I’m like, “Okay.” I had no idea what this would entail. I have no idea what bodybuilders do. My thought of a bodybuilder was like the guys or women who look like men, which is an unfair statement.
I called this woman. I said, “I want to do a figure show.” She says, “Meet me at this gym.” I will never forget that day. I parked in the parking lot of this gym. It was called World’s Gym at the time. This old school, giant bodybuilding gym. I walked in. I was like, “They all look like me.” Big shoulders, big legs. I was like, “My people.” She comes out. She’s got thick legs, big calves, a big butt, and these big shoulders. I was like, “Am I in style now?” It’s like I found where I belonged.
She took me under her wing and started training me. I started prep right away for a fourteen–week out show. I had no idea what I was doing. It was intense and all–consuming. It was the diet. I went from a normal, “Let’s go to the gym for an hour. I feel strong,” to be in there. You were counting every single macro that you were eating. I learned all about protein, carbs, fats, what they do for the body, how to eat properly after you train a specific body part. “How much water I had to drink?” I was in bodybuilding school.
Three weeks out, we got to the point where I had to order my suit. The suit was like $400. To compete in the show was another $200. I remember looking in the mirror at myself, thinking, “I never thought I could look like this.” I was shredded but still feminine. I still had a little body fat on me. I looked amazing. I remember thinking, “I don’t want to get on the stage and do that.” I cheered on stage and I would get nervous. I keep my pants on stage. I didn’t like being on stage. Being a hair and makeup artist, I like to be behind the scenes. I’m like, “You go up there and do that. I’ll cheer you on.” I’m a cheerleader. I don’t want to be up there.
I told her, “I don’t think I want to do this show.” At the time, I was 25 and she’s like, “Then don’t. You should get your personal training certification. I have more clients than I need. Would you be interested in taking some of my clients? We can work together at the gym.” I was like, “Absolutely.” She’s like, “You’ve gone through what it takes to step on stage. You understand all of this. Get your certification. I’ll help you grow your personal training business too if you want.” It was such an amazing opportunity. I did that and trained with her. I trained some of her clients. It kept me in shape.
I did put some weight back on but I learned what would get me to look like that and what I needed to do to take off a couple of pounds and when it was okay to indulge. We called them to refeed meals. I got in tune with how my body responded to food. It felt empowering rather than restricting at the time. Fast forward to when I was 28, 29. All of that was pre–social media, pre any of that. We weren’t posting. I wasn’t posting booty or ad pics on social media. It was for me. I was doing it for myself. I miss those times. I’m not going to lie.
Fast-forward, she was building her online platform and her business. We still didn’t have social media. She goes, “I want you to step on stage.” I know you wished you would have done it and seen it through because we must’ve talked about it. She goes, “I want to coach you for free through a fifteen-week program, but I want to journal it, document it. I want you to journal everything. I want us to take pictures every week. I want to do a whole thing.” I said, “Okay.”
She came, we did a full kitchen clean-out and made a whole thing about it. We were blogging and everything was on the website. It was super fun. Because I felt like I had support and there were people watching me, I was being held accountable like, “I got to do this.” It was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. It was the most challenging and the hardest with so many ups and downs. For me, it wasn’t about the gym and working out. That part was easy for me. It was the food and not getting to eat when I wanted like, “No, you can’t have that. You have to have this.” As I said, what don’t like to be told? What to do.
I love food. I’m Italian. I want to put cheese on everything. I like to eat. It stretched me. I’m grateful for that experience because I had such an empowering coach. I was very healthy in that prep. I’ve seen many people do competitive bodybuilding in a very unhealthy way. I did it. I stepped on stage and she was the best coach. Because I had been a performer and because I had stage presence, I wasn’t the most shredded one up there. I had the stage presence because it’s the full package.
They line you up right before you go on stage. You’re off on the side and the girl in front of me was shredded. I was like, “For sure, she’s winning.” I’m like, “Maybe I’ll come second if I’m lucky.” She walks out on the stage. She does these weird mechanic–like poses and I’m like, “Didn’t somebody show her what to do?” It was awful. I was going right after her and I’m like, “I’m going to look like a $1 million because I know what I’m doing. I can pose. I can give you a bad haircut but make sure I blow dry it to look perfect. I can make myself look like I need to look.” The girl behind me is breathing deep and loud. I turn around. She’s wide-eyed, sweating and nervous. I’m like, “Mechanic girl’s going in front of me and a sweaty, scared girl is going behind me. I got this.” I dropped right in, walked out there like I was Beyonce and stole the show. I ended up winning my class and overall.
I realized as soon as I saw what was going on even, I’ve never done this before, it’s crazy to stand on stage with lights. If you’re a dancer and you’re reading, can you remember the first time you had to go on stage? I don’t care how many times you practice. You’re still going to be nervous. I remember thinking, “I’m lucky that I had a great coach,” but I’m also lucky for the years prior of being able to own what you have, show up who you are and own it. After that, I was like, “I want to be a professional bodybuilder. I want to get my pro card.”
She looked at me and went, “No. You’re not going to do that. This industry will fuck you up. You won’t ever like your body ever again. You did it. We checked the box off. You can say you won a show if it’s for clients.” It’s like, “What platform do you need to say I’m a pro in order to have a successful business in life?” To this day, I thank her for not allowing me to go deep in that and get disconnected from the reality of what a healthy body and a healthy life can be like. I’m grateful to her for not letting me do that. At the time, I didn’t see it like that. I felt like, “I needed a different coach. I’m ready to go,” but I got pregnant six weeks later.
Let’s talk about coaching. There’s a fret that I’m hearing when you were talking and the word coaching or coach came up very frequently. For me, that’s a sign that has always been something that was very important and/or prevalent in your life. You are a coach yourself. Do you think you would have ever found the confidence to do what you have done in the past years without having the support of coaches?
No way. At the time, I didn’t even realize someone has to lead the team all the time. If you’re going to practice, somebody’s coaching you. I can see almost every single coach I’ve ever had that was impactful in my life. That pushed me past my comfort zone and did the most for me. There were times where I had bad coaches in between. As a kid, I was like, “This is bad energy. I don’t like how you’re making me feel. I don’t appreciate how you’re speaking to me.” Because I had been filled up and I had some worthiness at that age, it was enough for me to come home and say, “We got a new coach on the swim team. I don’t like this person. I want to quit.” My mom respects me enough to be like, “I’m not going to make you go and be subjected to anybody that’s not bringing positive.” She didn’t force me to stay. I also swam competitively from seven until high school as well.
There’s this old belief that success only comes with pain, struggle, and not feeling great at all. I love that your mother was capable of turning that around and saying, “If it doesn’t work, doesn’t serve you, not great energy, doesn’t fill your cup, it’s not for you.” I wish that more and more people will look at their life on their journey the same way. If it’s not working for you, if you don’t feel good in the situation, you need to get out. There’s so much suffering going on or overworking and burnout in the beauty industry and the dance industry. Both are under the belief that success will only arise out of that feeling of unworthiness and pain.Without the worthiness component and belief, you can't have confidence. Click To Tweet
This is why having coaches that have been through the rains is the most important decision you will ever make in your life. Talk about confidence. Why are you a confidence coach? I am so grateful for that because that’s something that I have been lacking for quite some time. Our monthly calls were always something that I had looked forward to because it gave me that injection of, “I can do this.” You enabled me to get out of myself, parts of myself that I was ashamed of. That woman, that potty mouth, that’s in there. I’m no longer ashamed of it even though the industry that I am in doesn’t appreciate it and frowns upon it. It’s not elite.
It was an evolution to get to the point where I’m calling myself that or that is the main umbrella that everything else falls underneath. What I noticed as I started to open up myself to coaching and mentoring because this is a new space for me as well. It’s only been a few years that I’ve been focused on growing that business. How have I always poured confidence into people I worked with or other up-and-coming hairdressers that were apprenticing with me? Yes, but I didn’t realize what I was doing by building that confidence within them, teaching them and showing them that they could, and trying to represent the way I was treated growing up in the industry. There were many ways that the pain, suffering, the bitch work, things that scrubbing the toilets, working twelve hours as an assistant and doing all of the washing bowls, but not learning how to do hair, it didn’t have to be that way.
I knew that I could give value and teach this person to be an epic hairdresser in a different way. It doesn’t have to be that pain, suffering or struggle for years before you’re allowed to grow and do the thing you got into this industry for. When I first stepped into the space of coaching, I said, “I want to help beauty professionals make six figures.” That was my go-to. That’s what I’m going to help them solve a problem. They’re close, but they’re not maintaining the six figures, or it’s hard for them to keep building their clientele. That’s where I thought I would be best served because it was something that came easy for me. I hit six figures in my career early on within a year of being behind the chair. I thought, “Why isn’t everybody making at least six figures?” I tried to navigate that for a little while and it did draw in some clients, but at the end of the day, every call would be more so not that they couldn’t figure out how to make the money. They didn’t know how to show up to attract the clients they wanted.
For some reason, when we would talk numbers or charging for their worth or their time, they didn’t see it that way. Yes, they wanted to charge more, they knew they should be charging more, but for whatever reason, they were getting in their own way. It all boiled down to worthiness, which to me comes from a sense of not being confident. You can’t feel unworthy and be confident. They don’t go together. Personal development is an ever–evolving journey for myself and the world because things are different than they were many years ago.
We have a comparison left and right with social media or things like podcasts. We can see what everyone is doing now. Instead of it making people feel more confident that they can do it too, which is sometimes what we’re trying to do like, “I can do it, so can you.” It’s done the opposite sometimes. “That’s already being done. I can’t do it too. They’re already so much better than me. I’m never going to be that good, so I might as well not do it. I don’t need to make that much money. It’s not that important to me.” We sit down and break that down.
I said, “What would that money do for you?” “I want to have a nicer car. I want to be able to go on vacation sometimes. I want to be able to buy my kids this or that.” These things that they would want to do with the money. I say, “Write it all down. You need to make more money. You need to make six figures because the things that you want, you to deserve in abundance but you can’t have them if you don’t have the money. If you don’t have the worthiness and the confidence to build the business of your dreams, you’re not going to get to those places.” Learning and coaching through the mastermind gave me an opportunity to tap into other industries and not be focused on my beauty industry.
I was hired as an accountability coach for Fast Foundations, which is the mastermind where we met with Chris and Lori Harder. I went through this program and that was where I tapped into it. I knew I wanted to do something else with my business besides being behind the chair. I went in there with a full, “I’m open to anything.” What came back to me was the struggle that I saw happening not in my industry but creative industries, independent entrepreneur industries, hairdressing being one, yes. Beauty professionals, yes.
You may work for a salon or for somebody else but you’re still your independent brand. How you show up is completely up to you. Your success is completely up to you. Unless you got lucky and you got put into a salon with a good coach, mentor trainer, leader, boss, that would dictate if they were successful or not and where they went with their careers. Some people you see making multiple six figures in the industry from what they’re charging. Extensions or pricing, or they’re confident enough to start educating after a year or two of learning something.
I had a girl come to me in her early twenties. She’s like, “I know I need to hire somebody to help me navigate the business side of this. I want to start educating and have my membership,” all these things that in my many years in the industry, one, that didn’t even exist back when I started. Two, you don’t know what you don’t know. I didn’t even know it was possible to create that extra revenue or do something else besides stand behind the chair and trade time for money. She already showed up confident and she said to me, “What do I need you for?”
I wanted to say, “I don’t think you do.” As an honest coach or mentor would say, there are definite business strategies and things that could help break it down. All the things we’ve learned in the mastermind. It’s like a business college from a firehose. When she came to me and she started, I said, “Yes, I want to create more people that feel about their business and life like you do.” Even if she doesn’t hire me as her coach, I’m still staying close to her energy and how she’s showing up because that’s the goal to be able to empower people to do that but without the worthiness component, without the belief, you can’t have the confidence. It’s getting those layers peeled back as to where that comes from, knowing it’s all conditioned stuff that we dealt with as children or growing up. There are so many different layers to that.
I see more and more, particularly in the arts, everything is black and white. There is one statement or saying, and that’s it. The ability to take it apart is what helps evolution completely back. That’s why we’re talking. This is why we have conversations is to get to the root of all of the things that we’re experiencing in life. What our triggers are and what’s holding us back. Showing up confident is such a big part of finding fulfillment and success in your life. Knowing that you were confident at an early age, what would it be that you would tell with what you know now to your sixteen-year-old self as advice or guidance?It's hard to have boundaries or create non-negotiables when you don't have clarity on who you are or what you want. Click To Tweet
I do want to give your audience tangible ways that they can build confidence too. My sixteen-year-old self was a little awkward. It was an awkward age for me, braces, acne in high school, curly frizzy hair. At the end of the day, I tried to hide when I was sixteen. I tried to be less than my normal self. I realized I was louder than most people. If I could go back, I would tell her, “Rock that curly hair, smile bigger, show your braces. Who cares if your legs are jiggly? Be yourself because like attracts like. If you can show up authentically as who you are, the right people will come into your life and the right opportunities will happen. Do not think that you’re less than because you’re not 98 pounds or whatever the case may be. Just own it.”
I can’t tell you how many years I have struggled with that. It’s still a journey for me to find out who is that person is because she’s been in the box for many years. The lid’s off and I’m peeking my nose out. It’s such a freeing feeling. Thank you for bringing that up. Let’s talk about confidence. Give us something tangible, particularly for people that have these worthiness issues. Perhaps they’re not even quite aware that is what’s going on. What are a few practices or questions that one could self journal about or ask oneself?
There are two parts to that. If you don’t feel confident, you know this. When you said they may not even know, it’s the little self-sabotaging things where we start to do things to build it up but then we get in our own way. Ways to get out of your own way to start to build those confidence muscles because I do believe confidence is a learned skillset. It is something that anybody can master with practice and like anything, the more that you own it or embody that, even though you might not fully believe it, the easier and the more true it will be in your life if you keep doing the things.
For me, showing up for myself even when my mind tells me, “I don’t want to. I’m tired. I don’t want to go to the gym.” I show up every day knowing that it’s for the greater good of how I’m going to feel the rest of the day. My mornings are sacred to me. I wake up early, journal whatever is coming up for me, release it in the journal, and then release it with energy at the gym, with a walk or a run so that when I come back and start my day, there’s nothing carried over from the day before. Those things can make you feel less than. They can make you feel not confident because if you had a bad day or something didn’t go right the day before, it can weigh you down. When you’re down here, you don’t feel confident.
By clearing space every morning, whether it’s a walk or whatever movement that you love doing, or sometimes you don’t like doing, that is everything for me. You don’t have to wake up at 5:00 AM as I do. You could do it whenever, but the first thing in the morning, get rid of all of the shit. Whatever’s coming up. How you feel needs to get put somewhere so you can get the fuck on with your day. That needs to get set over here. That’s a thing. “I feel you. I honor that. I’m going to come back to that when I’m ready to dissect it, but today I got stuff to do and I’m not going to let that feeling ruin the rest of the things I have going on.”
When you can start to compartmentalize and that’s a little bit more in your masculine. For people who live more in their feminine, that can be hard to do to put that in a box. If you are more sensitive and more in being your feminine, you want to swim in your shit and sit in it. It’s like your messy purse, everything’s in there. When you can compartmentalize things and like, “That’s not going to serve me being that person or feeling like that, I’m going to focus on what I need to.” By doing those, that builds confidence. The next morning you’re going to say, “This is all the things I accomplished. Therefore I feel like I’m going to have another great day. I know I can do those things because even though I felt that way about myself or my head wasn’t right, I still was able to do the things I needed to do.”
That yin and yang, those feelings will always come up. It’s the way that you are able to handle them. Going from being the leanest on stage to six weeks later, being pregnant, I went from 130 pounds to almost 200 pounds nine months later when I gave birth. If I would have put all my worthiness on what I looked like after that, I would have been postpartum, miserable and stressed. I already knew that having children would be challenging. You never have an idea until you have them. Every kid is different.
At that moment, I could have either looked at myself and felt terrible, which I did. I could look at what I was able to create and, “The reason why I was looking like this at the moment was because of the greater good of that.” I focus all my energy on being a good parent. I did what I could. Every day I’d moved and did something. A couple of years later, I competed again in a bodybuilding competition to show that I did. I was probably 25 pounds heavier than all the women on the stage next to me. What did I do? I owned it. I wasn’t up there for them. I was up there for me to see if I could do it again. By making myself do another competition, get up there and own it rebuilt the confidence that, “I’m not going to walk around like that all the time, but I know I could still do it.”
Showing up for yourself is the most important part and we forget at times that’s what truly matters. Building that confidence and having these agreements with yourself, I had a conversation with my husband on our evening walk and I was like, “I need to be more intentional about keeping agreements with myself.” I started with, every morning, I write down two things that are non-negotiable because I am a good negotiator with myself. I can negotiate myself out of everything that’s uncomfortable.
I don’t know if we can label it as feminine energy, but it’s choosing the short amount of discomfort below the greater comfort in the bigger picture on what’s out there in six weeks. What is that going to do? The more and more I’m learning about myself and understanding me, gaining awareness on how I work and what I need. The more and more I can pick it apart and the deeper I can get into the layers, which is the journey of self-development.
To be successful and be the best version that you can be and want to be, that’s the process. That’s what you have to do. I strongly believe that’s how it goes. This is what I learned. Being able to make these agreements with yourself and then holding yourself accountable to accomplishing that. That’s not checking something off the box. It is something that gives you confidence because if you can show up for yourself, you gain confidence in yourself. If you don’t trust yourself, how are you going to trust somebody else? How do you put your own trust and love in somebody else’s hands if you can see how magnificent you are?
That’s something I teach in my program, which is non-negotiables and creating boundaries. It’s hard for people to have boundaries or to create non-negotiables for themselves when they don’t have clarity on who they are and what they want in their life. A lot of us know what we we’re not willing to deal with, but sometimes we don’t know what we want. We don’t know the vision and the possibility. If you don’t have a greater thing that you’re chasing, a goal, plan or dream, then it’s easy to negotiate yourself out of doing the things that you know will get you to wherever that is. You have a dream and a goal. It’s bigger than just you. It doesn’t involve you. You’ve made it about helping so many other people and creating this massive impact and hoping it’ll have a ripple effect for generations to come.
You show up because it’s not necessarily about you anymore, but if you’re not your best version of yourself, how can you create any change for your industry? Being intentional becomes a little bit easier. It’s not about, “I’m not motivated to stay. I don’t feel like it.” When you have a purpose and a passion, it’s not about feeling like doing. It’s not about being motivated, you know what needs to get done and you do it. People ask me all the time, “How do you stay so motivated to go to the gym all the time?” I’m like, “I don’t want to wake up at 4:30 AM and go to the gym. I know that I’m a better mother, a better leader, a better coach, a better human, and a nicer person. If I give myself that time, it has many other benefits. It’s for the long game, so I can play with my grandkids.”
I’m doing things now for myself that will pay me back in twenty years. This is a time where people want instant gratification. They want to eat a salad and be skinny tomorrow. They want to try out one time for a dance show and get the thing. They don’t want to put the work in anymore. Nobody wants to put the work in. I see this in the industry with people wanting to become coaches, too. They think they can create one program and be like, “Why don’t I have anybody signing up?”
You’ve got to put the work in and the work is working on yourself. A lot of times, people want to skip over that. They have a goal and a vision, but they want to skip all the hard, sticky, feely shit. Mindset, scarcity, money issues, confidence, and all of the things. They want to do the thing and then go. You got to do the in–between stuff. That starts by showing up for yourself and creating a couple of non-negotiables that you’re willing to deadlock. No matter what, they go on the calendar because we’re good at showing up for other people, but we’re not good at showing up for ourselves.
If you’re like me and you tend to be a procrastinator, some people think being a procrastinator is like being lazy. It’s the exact opposite because when I’m procrastinating, I will clean my house, vacuum, do the laundry. I will do all of the other things besides the one thing I know I need to do. It’s because there’s a part of me in there that’s like, “I don’t feel confident enough yet. I’ll do it later.” When the house is cleaned, then I’ll be confident enough to do the thing.
“What? Nobody cares if my house is clean. Go do the thing.” If it’s on your list of, “It’s not about checking things off the box. It’s just doing what you know you need to do to support yourself.” That looks different for everybody. That’s why I always say, “Stay around people that you want to emulate or you want to be like.” Not to copy or compare but allow them to show you the way or what’s possible. That’s why I stay around Chris and Lori. I love the layout of their life. It’s got ease and flow. Do they still struggle? I’m sure.
The way that they show up, the way that they manage their day, time and how they bring other people into their space it’s something that I’d want to represent. I love the people that they bring around. That’s why I stay down and I work for them because of that yumminess of people, we all have the same struggles at the end of the day. You’re not special if you struggle with certain things. Everyone feels like shit sometimes. If you stay around people having the hard conversations and doing the work, that’s when you can start to create change and it becomes easier.
If you stay around people who think like that and who agree with you that, “Life sucks, everything is hard. You have to struggle. You’re never going to make that much money,” happy being miserable. Misery loves company. That’s a non-negotiable. That’s a boundary. Get the hell out of that situation, whatever it may be. You said something about people staying in things that don’t serve them or bring them joy. That could be so many things across the board, businesses, companies that they’re with like you guys, salons, even in industry. You may have been forced into an industry or guided into an industry like for me. “If you’re a good hairdresser, stay in your lane.” “I can’t believe you sold your salon. What are you going to do now?” As if I couldn’t be good at anything else because I’m so good at being a hairdresser that I mostly got to be a failure at anything else I tried? People don’t mean to put their shit on you, but they do. It’s crazy.
It’s important that you surround yourself with the right people or the yummy people. I love that analogy because it is true. As uncomfortable as I’m still in that crowd, it makes me question my abilities, yet I crave it because I know it pushes me outside of where I’m at right now. I know that who I want to be is outside of that way. Whatever that looks like, I know I’m capable. I’m not in my way. I’m done playing this stuff. I have grown so much that I don’t even know who that person was back there. Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is what I’ve heard many times, and that I’m running into disbelief at times but I’m firm around, “You can have all the skills, all the goals and set yourself up with all the things in your life to achieve your goals, but if you don’t have the right people surrounding you, you’re not set up for success.”
This is why getting yourself outside of the circle of the naysayers, non-supporters and the people that are acting as your anchors. Sometimes you don’t even know it until you level up and find other people that are challenging your beliefs, that these people are keeping you where you’re at. Let’s take both of our industries. I know artists like to just mingle with artists as that feels safe. I remembered the excuse was always was, “Other people won’t understand me. They don’t understand what I’m going through and what I’m thinking.” It’s that elite approach to who they are.
That is the reason why the arts are still where they are at, somewhere in the 1970s, because nobody’s looking outside. The world has evolved so much in the past years. You now have somebody coming to you like, “I am a hairdresser. I am trading time for money, but I have different ways on how I can create an extra stream of income.” That is the thinking that we’re looking for. That’s where your growth is. This is where you have to evolve in order to show up as that best version wherever your stage is to attract people that will come and pay for what you have to offer. Jess, where can we find you? What are your offerings? Do you have a podcast? Give us all the good stuff. I want you to get in the spotlight and talk about what you have to offer.
If you need uplifting motivation or you’re a hype girl, you can follow me @JessicaBurgio on Instagram. That’s where I spend most of the time and I hang out. I love sharing inspiring messages and sharing what it is that I do with coaching. I always try to give tangible takeaways. I do have a podcast called the Beauty Inspires Beauty Podcast. The premise is to share success stories of the industry pulling the curtain back for how people got from step one to how you see them being super successful now because everybody started somewhere.Confidence is a learned skillset. It is something that anybody can master with practice. Click To Tweet
Being in the industry for as long as I have, I’ve seen many people come up and create so much success. I wanted to bring them on as guests. We’ve also branched out to having people in different industries on the podcast also sharing their success stories. Tons of motivation, tons of inspiration and reiterating the possibility that whatever you want is out there for you. If confidence is something that you struggle with, that is what I’m hoping to share and grow. I also have a website that you can kind of pick apart and get some good takeaways from too. That’s where I like to spend some time. I do offer one-on-one coaching as well. Wherever you’re at, I can meet you in your journey and help you to dig deeper and figure some stuff out. That’s my specialty.
You also have a cute line of items that she’s wearing which is Beauty Inspires Beauty.
We have crops and some sweatshirts, some fun coffee mugs. We’re looking to expand that line too. It’s fun to spread the love. It’s a little movement that means a ton to me. Empowering my industry and empowering creative entrepreneurs in whatever capacity that they are, that they can do so much more than trade time for money and standby in the chair.
Jess, thank you so much for showing up. Thank you for going on that journey and going through all the icky stuff, showing what that’s like and drawing all of your knowledge on that. I dearly love you and I’m grateful for you. Thank you for being here.
It’s my pleasure.
Resources for Jessica:
- Jessica Burgio
- Beauty Inspires Beauty Podcast
- Fast Foundations
- @JessicaBurgio – Instagram
- Beauty Inspires Beauty
About Jessica Burgio
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