Are you struggling with deep insecurity? Learn how you can overcome it with Confidence Coach Amanda Petit, Founder of The Empowered Artist’s Coaching. Amanda shares with Susanne Puerschel how her deep insecurity came from her childhood. As a performing artist later in life, she lived in anxiety, fear, and insecurity. Amanda explains that you need to be hyper-aware of your triggers and limiting beliefs to overcome them. Once you do, your mindset shifts and you become more confident. Tune in and have the confidence to support the life you desire!
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Overcome Insecurity With Confidence Coach Amanda Petit
Amanda, thank you so much for being here on the show. I have been looking forward to this conversation for the longest time. Whenever we connected, I seem to be on the road. As a background for everybody, you and I met on Clubhouse. If you’re not on Clubhouse yet, we highly recommend you going there. It’s not a complicated platform. It is super easy to navigate. If you don’t like to speak yet, you can listen in and see what the conversations are like. There are many cool people hanging out there. Proving the point, we would not be on this podcast if we both have not got out of our comfort zone. Welcome to the show.
I’m excited to be here. Thank you for having me.
For everybody that doesn’t know you yet, tell us a little bit about your journey from dancer to The Empowered Artist’s Coach and we’ll take the conversation from there.
My name is Amanda Petit. I am The Empowered Artist’s Coach and retired professional dancer. Along with coaching, I’m also a dance teacher and choreographer. Still deeply embedded within the performing arts. Years ago, I had hit a point in my professional career where I was burnt out. I had been in the professional classical ballet realm for a long time. I then had transitioned to cruise lines to have a change of pace and be a part of the entertainment industry.
From a young age, I always carried the narrative that I wasn’t good enough. That embedded itself in all aspects of my life. It didn’t stay within dance. It embedded itself in my romantic partnerships, my friendships, and my relationship with my family. In came body image issues, deep insecurity, trying to learn how to cope with raging anxiety all the time. I thought it was normal. I was told, “Have some tough skin. Suck it up. This is the art. This is how it’s going to be and you need to get used to it.”
I get into my early twenties, I burnt out, and I quit dance at a young age. I’ve worked my whole life to become a professional dancer. I’d made it and I was like, “This isn’t it. I’m miserable.” I knew it wasn’t because of my passion. I knew it’s because I didn’t have the mindset to support myself. I was living in fear, anxiety, and insecurity. I left professional dance and decided to take about six months for myself to figure things out. I was battling with feeling guilty about quitting dance but I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t know why.
I was listening to a podcast one day and I found a confidence coach. I had no idea what coaching was before. I didn’t know it was a thing. I didn’t know what a confidence coach was. Long story short, I ended up spending two years with this woman and more. I continued to keep in touch with her. There were so many mindset blocks that kept me from being confident, trust myself, enjoying my life, and being present. I was fixated on not being good enough, fearing the future, fearing what people thought, and people-pleasing. It took two years to unravel all those wounds and blocks.Fears fuel narratives of undesired outcomes and rejections. Click To Tweet
I worked to dive into the subconscious mindset that I was holding on to get all that gunk out and reframe it and start to live my life from that space. After experiencing that, I knew this is what females of the arts need. We need support so that these dancers, singers, artists aren’t experiencing what I did. It doesn’t have to be like that. You get to experience ease in your artistic spaces. You get to be confident. You get to call the shots. It’s your career. That is what my mission is with my business and a little bit about my story.
Amanda, there is so much that I’m like, “I exactly feel that. I have been there. I still work on things like that.” Can we go to the root? You were so fixated on the not good enough. Have you ever figured out where that came from? What was the root? I remember the experience and it had nothing to do with me, per se. My subconscious translated it into, “I am not good enough. Therefore, I need to do all of these other things to show the world outside of me that I am worthy.”
I’m a neuro-linguistic programming practitioner. I understand the language of the subconscious mind. When we have a narrative, like, “I’m not good enough, I’m not special, I can’t get anything right,” it’s not that someone directly said that to us and we grabbed on to it. Unfortunately, sometimes that does happen. Over time, it only takes about three different events that resonate in your subconscious mind to start to create a narrative. This can happen between the ages of 4 and 7 when your brain is at a point that it is an absolute sponge, perceiving the world in a way that’s going to keep it safe.
For me, I had pretty critical parents. They did the best that they could with the tools that they had, especially from their parents. They were incredible compared to their parents. Being a young kid, being told, “That’s not right. You could have done that better. Don’t do that. Don’t speak up.” Little-by-little, little five-year-old Amanda started perceiving these things, “I can’t do anything right. I can’t use my voice. I’m not allowed to speak my mind.” These all gathered into narratives for me.
All of your narratives that are limited are going to come from fears. When we fear an undesired outcome, maybe a rejection, that belief and narrative is fueled by that fear. If I’m believing I’m not good enough, “I’m scared of getting rejected by this director.” My behavior is going to be to hold back, “I’m not going to go to that audition because I know I’m going to do terrible and they’re going to reject me. I’m going to feel terrible.” We get into assumptive patterns where we start assuming the worst and then that’s how your whole life starts to live around that narrative. I’m interested to know where yours came from.
It was my upbringing because I was with a nanny from the age of two or even earlier. It then perpetuated into my parents. Not my father. He passed away when I was six. My mother never said that I was good enough. I always tried to get her attention. We never talked about the grief. I only knew how to get attention by overachieving. Nothing was ever good enough for her to give me love. Therefore, I thought, “No matter what I do, it’s not going to be good enough. I am not worthy regardless of what I’m doing.” That translated not into my training but at the school, although that was a harsh environment. It then came back out through all the trauma that I experienced in school and in my professional career.
I want to get a little deeper into it because I feel that artists don’t understand that this kind of psychology is for everyone. It’s not something that is for doctors only, you go to, sit there, and pay $1,000 per session. It is something that you can educate yourself on little-by-little and it is part of our everyday life. It is part of what we do every single minute of our existence. Particularly as a performing artist, I feel being hyper-aware of your triggers and where things are coming from or what’s in your way, what are your limiting beliefs, and how am I reacting. That is imperative so that you can truly show up as your best version. You can step in your full power. Most of the time, we’re not fearful of failure. We’re fearful of shining bright. We’re using that fear of like, “I’m going to stay over here because it feels like something that I’m familiar with versus going out there and showing the world who I am because I don’t want to be rejected.”
That fear holds us in that comfort zone. Sometimes, that comfort zone is a negative pattern. That’s why it seems daunting to step out of your comfort zone and shine. When we’re holding on to whether it’s limiting beliefs or old narratives, your subconscious is finding safety in that. It deems out as important, safe, and shining bright, “There’s a million reasons I could prove why that’s not going to work.” It keeps pulling us back here.
My past also shows me and gives me proof every single day that I don’t shine bright. Therefore, I’m not even going to try. We are all capable of rewriting that story, understanding, and coming from a place of love like, “Is this serving me anymore? Is this who I want to be?” Do you know when you got out of school, you were given the path that was labeled as the success path?
Me, too. My path of success would have looked differently, if I would have had the tools as a 15, 16, and 17-year-old, to set my own goals, to have been asked and prompted into, “You’re going to leave soon. What do you want?” Even if we don’t know what we want, let’s start with what we don’t want. I want to know your perspective. How important do you think mindset work is compared to the focus that we are putting in the industry on the skills?
I will preach on this until the day I die. The energy that you put forward is more important than your technique, what’s on that resume, and what company you’ve been with. At the end of the day, as cheesy as it sounds, we are all humans having different human experiences. If you are coming forward in this gray cloud of, “I don’t feel like I’m enough. I’m insecure about my body. I don’t belong here. They’re not going to like me.” That energy is coming forward. Scientifically, 55% of communication is nonverbal. It’s energetic. Only 7% of it is word-related. Another 30%-something is tonality, how you say what’s coming out of your mouth. I could vamp up and say, “Are you hungry?” I could vamp up and say, “Are you hungry?” That’s an example of tonality.
Mindset over skills. I have not had any mindset training, which was the reason that I was not stepping into my full potential. Therefore, I had all the skills. My body could have been the best in the theater, but my mind didn’t. There’s the saying out there that “mindset is 80% of the 20% to success.” Why are we not putting more empathy on the mindset work in schools and companies after the whole self-development train? Getting to know yourself is imperative for artists to step into everything that they’re capable of and yet, we are denying that same thing.
It comes down to people not having the proper tools. This isn’t widely common in the arts. We wouldn’t be seeing many rampant issues going on that we all know still happen in the arts, whether that’s inclusivity, body image, typecasting, all of those different things. Mindset tools are going to be readily available the quicker other people start to dive into them and are willing to put them forward, whether that’s setting an example, doing your mindset work, and investing in a mindset coach. Setting an example for other people, whether that’s becoming a coach.
As a dance instructor, I have a lot of methods that I use that a lot of older instructors and directors are like, “You let them have a voice and tell you they’re having a bad day and want to sit down.” I’m like, “Yes, they need to learn to make decisions on their own to respect their mental health.” It comes down to having the tools available for the upcoming generation of artists and the current artists that are working professionally.The energy that you put forward is more important than your technique. Click To Tweet
Also, making them imperative. It was in a Clubhouse conversation that one of the participants truly expected, “The leadership needs to change. I’m doing everything right.” I was like, “I understand. I see where we’re at.” We’re not taking responsibility for ourselves, for our actions. There is no blame to be made. It is what it is. Knowing about it and then not changing it is participating in the mess consciously. That’s what I’m talking about. We are seeing many people now talk about the imperativeness of having coaches and people help you not only in the studio. Athletes have all sorts of coaches. Stop seeing your ballet teacher as your one-stop-shop. Understand that they haven’t done the work yet either. I’m not saying everybody hasn’t but most of them haven’t. If you want to be the best version of yourself and if you want to make it professionally, go and get yourself a coach.
If you are having a negative experience, empowerment is going to come via responsibility. The biggest hump we’ve got to get over with my clients is when they come in, they’ve had all these people say terrible things to them and take them out of a role two weeks before the show. The things I’ve experienced as well is absolute junk. The hardest part is being aware that we’re responsible for how we feel, deal, and move forward in those situations. If we choose to continue sitting in the pattern of, “This proves my narrative. I’m going to people-please. I’m going to step back. I’m going to not say anything.”
We’re going to continue with those experiences. They’re not going to be propelled forward into being able to stand up for themselves, ask for a raise or the pay that you know you deserve in the arts. That could be a whole another segment. That mindset work is critical because your mindset will create your reality. You can either choose to stay and experience the junk that does happen in the arts or have a mindset that’s going to support the life that supports your desires of confidence, authenticity, spontaneity, and luxury. We can imagine luxury as an artist. We don’t have to be starving artists.
Now, you poke the bear. It’s the best proof of this is yet another narrative that has been passed on generation by generation and people are buying into it, “I can only be an artist if I have two side jobs and trading my time for money to pay my rent. My artist job can’t do that. Companies don’t have money. They don’t know how to pay me. I’m going to go and buy my pointe shoes myself and health insurance. I should get a massage but I can’t afford it. Taking care of myself doesn’t work.” This is where the victim or being the victim has to end.
That was such a huge lesson for me. I didn’t know I can choose my thoughts and beliefs. I was under the assumption that, “Everything is going to be brought to me and then I’m going to take what I can get,” versus, “Let’s create my life the way I want it to be.” That’s our most important message, not only now but every time you or I show up. We all have a choice. We can create whatever we want to. What makes the difference between dreaming of it and becoming your reality is that you choose. You make that choice that it is going to happen.
Sometimes, that choice of what we desire is so far out of the left-field that you do need a little bit of support to get you there. When I first came to my confidence coach, I was struggling with romantic partnerships. I didn’t feel like I could trust any man. What did I do? I was sabotaging every single amazing partnership and man that I could have trusted. I kept telling myself, “The right man will come. He’ll reassure me all the time. He’ll give me all the validation I need. He won’t be annoyed by it.” Eventually, it hit me once I started interacting with my coach, “This is my problem. That’s not them. This is me.” I had to take radical responsibility to change my life. I’m not waiting for it to come to me but to have guidance to go after it.
I’m curious. Before we get back to the bear poking topic, who is your coach?
Her name is Natalie Carranceja. She’s amazing. Confidence and feminine embodiment is her title now. All her stuff is amazing.
When we were talking about not feeling enough, it also translates into your life in your earning capacity. This is what I learned. You think you only worth $350 a week. You think you have to pay for your apprenticeship, which by the way is out there, while your directors are making high seven-figure salaries. I looked up a few like New York City Ballet and they were between $600,000 to $700,000 a year. The administrative staff had all mid to high six figures. Between a core dancer and a principal, it was maybe off by $60,000, $70,000. It was from mid-five figures to low six figures for a principal dancer. Not even the industry sees worth or enoughness in their dancers. Otherwise, the pay structure would be completely different. I understand why everybody involved doesn’t feel worthy of receiving either because it’s the culture.
The question is, who’s asking for a raise? Who’s asking for the salary they desire? Are we letting the narrative, “I’m not good enough,” create our money stories as dancers? You have to work twelve hours a day as a dancer, break your body, and you’re only going to make this much a month. You can’t enjoy a massage. You can’t have the experiences that you want.
It’s that feeling worthy of it and feeling enough. I’m sure you have that experience, too, particularly when you’re running your own business. You have to ask for your worth. How did that feel in the beginning compared to how does it feel now?
I did a lot of inner child healing around my money stories. I wasn’t asking for the private lesson fee that I wanted and that I knew I deserved with the background that I had as a professional dancer. With the hourly pay that I was getting as an instructor, I was able to ask for a raise after working with my coach. When I became a coach, I saw my tendencies start to trickle in. I knew, so I’ll set it at this bar and then I took a step back. Not even what I’m worth but also the transformation my clients are getting. I was like, “That is worth this up here.” I can experience a life that I desire. My energy coming forward is explosive for my clients, so I can show up for them best. I’m not resentful about not making the money that I want. I can invest in further certifications if I wanted to or coaches that offer even more to my clients. For me, it was, “How can I price the transformation they’re getting?” I know it’s priceless. I don’t know where I’d be now if I didn’t find my coach, honestly.
Let’s go and give some helpful hints for people that are apprehensive about hiring their first coach because they may have had some bad experience or they’ve come across some coaches that weren’t coming from a place of love and integrity for example. Do you have a few questions that you would ask a coach before you hire them to qualify them personally?
My biggest thing was going to be to ask them questions. The biggest thing I get is people come to me with their problems but they don’t ask me any questions.
What you would ask a coach before hiring them so we can use that as an example and also as empowerment to, “You are going to exchange money to cut your time of learning to gain more time, more speed, more knowledge.” That means that you are worthy of also qualifying your coach if that’s a fit. You don’t necessarily have to chase them or thinking, “Am I good enough for the coach?” What questions would you recommend potential clients would ask you?Visualize what you desire your future life to look like. Click To Tweet
When you are a client looking for help, the biggest thing I would suggest asking is, “Tell me exactly how you’re going to help fix my problem.” A lot of times, people don’t even think to ask me, “What techniques would you use to help me with this issue of doubting myself, this trauma that I experienced when I was seventeen, and the insecurity that’s coming out in my dancing?” Ask them specifically you can get a better picture because it’s a big step out of your comfort zone to ask for help. To hear the price and hear the commitment is a big step out of your comfort zone.
You have to remember when you’re coming to a coach, there’s a reason you came to them in the first place. When that self-doubt creeps in, “I can’t pay this. I don’t have the time for this.” We’re completely botching your desire of X, Y, and Z, whether that’s to become confident and learn how to heal that narrative, “I’m not good enough.” Those fears are coming back in saying, “I’m not worthy of this, so I’m not going to pay that. I don’t believe I’m worth three months of guidance, so I’m not going to do this.” When you ask more questions, hopefully, it gives them a better insight, “I can picture what’s going to happen.” When you have no idea and you’re in that state of fear, your mind’s going to go, “No. I don’t know anything. I don’t think I can picture this.”
This brings up an interesting topic, which is asking questions. I found that during professional life, asking questions was not even an option. It didn’t matter what questions. Questions were never encouraged. For me, I had to know everything by the time I left school. I had to be perfect, which in turn meant don’t ask questions. We’re in this time now where we understand that asking more questions means getting more answers and more answers means more knowledge and more knowledge means more ability and availability. When you already made this commitment to hiring a coach, here are some of the questions that I would be asking, who were your past clients? Where were they at? Where are they now? If they can give out this information, then ask the question if they would be willing to apprise a few names so that you could connect with them and ask about the experience.
That’s funny. It popped into my mind. I was like, “Ask for client stories. Asked to get in touch with my current clients. Talk to them.” That helps to connect with another artist who’s going through the same thing.
Not just us what’s going to show up on social media but talk to these people one-on-one. If your coach isn’t open to that, for me, that would be a little bit of a red flag. I don’t know about you but I would never say, “Please, go ahead. Here’s the list. You call whoever you want to.”
When someone is in contact with me, I’m like, “Let’s hop on Zoom. Let’s hop on a discovery call so we can personally relate and chat about what’s going on and see if we can craft up a game plan for you.”
Not everything is a fit. Having a coach is getting into a relationship. You are handing over most of your trust and therefore, it needs to be a fit. Another question that I would ask is, who’s your coach’s coach? What is their next level of involvement? Where are they going? What’s their interest? Where are they drawing their information from?
You can’t expect someone to invest in you if you haven’t invested in yourself. What leadership example would that be meaning if I didn’t have a coach? If I didn’t invest for so long in my well-being so I could lead other people, why would I expect them to invest in me?
At this point, it is imperative to understand that investing in yourself will always have the biggest return of investment. Even if you don’t believe it right now, doubt yourself, or you think, “I could never live up to that.” Even if it doesn’t show within 6 weeks or 6 months, it will show down the road. It will perhaps save you from falling into a big hole when you stop dancing or performing. Nothing happens by accident. Everything happens for a reason. It’s all happening for you. Let’s shift gears and let’s talk about what you work on with your clients. What is the overarching theme that you’re seeing most of your clients are struggling with? How can we maybe put a pin in it and stop this?
I would say the biggest themes that I’m seeing right now in my clients and people I’m in contact with as an artist is comparison and being your biggest critic. I would say people-pleasing is a big one and that comes out in the form of caring what people think, especially your directors, and not speaking up. Those are the three biggest things that I’ve been observing.
That’s all constructed by the industry. It’s been fostered for decades.
Women were taught as young kids in society and in the arts that you show up on time, stay quiet, come inside the lines, don’t play in the mud, and don’t be gross. Boys will be boys. We’re instilled at such a young age as females with that story that we have to fit all those things. We have to please people, be in comparison, and criticize ourselves so that we can prove we’re good enough.
I can relate. That’s a topic that I have to still find a little bit more love around. Unkind words will come out because I had some experiences in corporate where being a woman meant to be treated differently than my male counterpart. We’re doing it in the industry, too. Boys don’t have to pay and girls do. We keep following the narrative. We keep doing it until somebody understands that what we’re doing is not inclusive. We’re not only separating between skin colors, ethnicity, religions, beliefs but also by gender. Male counterparts in any company that I have been in always had $50 to $100 more at their salary per week than I had. I was working my derriere off and they weren’t. I was doing the wide act and they weren’t.
I experienced that, too. When I was in the conservatory full-time training, my male counterpart was making money. He was making what a quarter ballet dancer was making. We were still in the conservatory to keep him there because he’s a male. When I went to the cruise ship, I was a new hire, a first-timer. My male counterpart was making double what I was making and he was a new hire. I had spoken about it with a male counterpart and they were like, “It does suck but it’s also supply and demand. There are more women than there are men.” I’m like, “Here’s the thing. We aren’t saying anything about it.” We’re taking that story of, “There are more women than men, so that means I can’t make as much as my male counterpart.” We hold on to that story and that narrative. We don’t go forward in what we desire. We sit back and settle.
In this empowerment phase that we’re in, in the performing arts, I am cautious of people getting back to performing because that is their ultimate goal. This is what everybody was waiting for. I am worried that people will settle again, even though they have found some of their power back during the time they were pulled out of the companies. They’re coming from such a place of lack, as in, “If not now, then when? If I can’t perform, I’m going to die.” Whatever the story might be. People are willing to completely sign their soul over, make that contract with the devil, and not understand that they’re hurting the art form altogether. How can we help these people? How can we help them understand that the way they’re showing up is part of the problem?Always challenge your negative thoughts. Click To Tweet
It comes back to that radical responsibility, taking responsibility for what you want to paint your life to look like. A great tool that I suggest people use is called visualization, where you close your eyes and you picture in your mind’s eye whatever it is you’re picturing. I did this, painting a picture of what I desire my future life to look like. It’s amazing the visions and imagery that come up because it’s your subconscious way of talking. It shows up in imagery, emotions, and sensations. When you picture, get rid of the hows, “How would this happen? How can I make this happen?”
Be desire-focused and picture the future that you want, “I am a principal dancer in this company. I’m making the salary. I go home and I’m not obsessing over my body or what I’m eating. I’m enjoying a glass of wine, watching TV, and treating myself instead of freaking out about the next day. I live in this beautiful place.” Get clear and then use the five senses, “This is what I feel. This is what I see for myself. This is what I can hear day to day in my thoughts or what people say to me.” It’s such a good tool because a lot of times people get stuck in the, “I have to find a job now. I’ve got to do this now.” They’re not thinking about how this is going to paint their future. I have a real quick story.
My friend, she’s a dancer. Her boyfriend is a dancer, too. We all used to dance in the company together. They’ve been together for over five years. They were trying to find a company to dance together with. They had gone to one company and the company was not healthy. The directors were toxic, unfortunately. She spent time with the coach that I had. After four months together, these two found an amazing company together. I’m getting chills talking about it. They are at the company together. Everything is great. Even one of the ballet mistresses from our previous company is there and she’s wonderful. That’s a big testimony of when you learn how to paint your life and rewire your mindset to support that life, it’s going to happen. You’re not going to be stuck in that toxic environment that you don’t want. You’re going to be in whatever you wanted.
I love that story. That’s incredible. This is how it still happens. We expect it to be hard, painful, and abused. You said it at the beginning, “That’s how it was. This is what we see. I have to be super skinny to fit in.” It’s on us and what we want to see. That is the most important thing. This is why I would say to change the entire industry to rewriting and making it sustainable. It’s not only in its essence but in everything. It starts with every single one of us in how we carry ourselves, how we show up, who we are, and who we want to become. Not a product of the industry but a powerful individual. Tell us where we can find you? What are you offering? How can people work with you?
My primary tool is Instagram. I’m always on Instagram, @TheEmpoweredArtists_Coach. I’m always there for you if you want to give me a follow or send me a DM. I’ve got lots of fun content on there. What I’m offering is my signature 1:1 Coaching Program. That’s where I take artists and help them get past those narratives and blocks to whatever their desire is. We work together. It’s tailored specifically for them. I’ve got some amazing clients. The transformation gives me chills every time I’m on calls with them because I’m excited to lead this generation of artists to that empowerment, that confidence, and that self-trust ultimately.
Amanda, that was lovely. Thank you. I always ask the last question, with everything that you know now and you have learned about yourself, what would you tell your sixteen-year-old self to help her?
Challenge your negative thoughts. A lot of times, we sit in those negative beliefs, those fears, and we don’t challenge them by saying, “Is this true? Do I have proof that I’m not worthy? What proof do I have? Is that true, authentic, in a court of law proof? Am I making meaning out of this?” Always challenge your thoughts.
Challenge all of this, yours and everybody else’s and you get to choose them. Thank you so much for this. It was lovely. We could keep on going. Thanks for reading. We appreciate you reading. If you want any more information, go and follow her. Rate, subscribe, share your biggest takeaway, and tag both of us in your stories. That would mean the world to us. We are talking about these things and it is wonderful. That fills our cup when you share what is important to you, what resonated with you, or even share what didn’t. Tell us, did you agree with this or did you not? What do you want to hear about? Thank you so much, everybody. Until next time.
- Amanda Petit
- Natalie Carranceja
- @TheEmpoweredArtists_Coach – Instagram
- 1:1 Coaching Program
About Amanda Petit
Amanda Petit is a retired professional dancer, now confidence and mindset coach for females of The Performing Arts. She took on the dance world from professional ballet to the cruise industry, but consistently dealt with insecurity, rampant anxiety, people-pleasing, shrinking herself, and eventually experienced burnout which led her to quit her career. After spending 2 years with a confidence coach, building her mindset, healing, and growing, she knew The Arts needed this support and expertise so other artists like herself didn’t have to go through what she did.
She took it upon herself to become a Neuro-Linguistics Programming Practitioner and started her own business, The Empowered Artist’s Coaching LLC. She has worked with all types of artists from dancers, singers, actors, future directors, college students, and more, and her greatest passion is helping young artists develop confidence and trust in themselves!
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