Realizing there is no Box – A Conversation with Katie Edwards

SUSANNE TALK

January 26, 2021

Realizing there is no Box - A Conversation with Katie Edwards

 

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Realizing there is no Box – A Conversation with Katie Edwards

In this episode, I’m having a conversation with Katie Edwards. She is a life & financial coach. We’re going to talk about her journey and how she ended up and how she came to peace with the trails she endured. She adapted and found not only peace but also fulfillment in her new path. I’m looking forward to having this conversation. I want to know your feedback. I want to know if you are in that same position and what you did to pivot.

Susanne

Katie, I am so excited to have you on a Pointe To Rise podcast. Welcome. Thank you so much for being here.

Katie 

Thank you so much for inviting me. I am just so excited. It has been so fun getting to know you. And I just love your purpose in in helping women with their purpose. So, thank you so much. Oh, thank you, sweetheart.

Susanne 

So just as a background story, Katie and I have already, I don’t know, chat at nine minutes prior to recording this podcast. And we thought why don’t we just hit record and let this conversation flow how it’s supposed to flow? So, I want to start with who you are, and how you came about playing piano or how you actually got into the arts? Like what was in here in your soul? What was it?

Katie 

Oh, I love it. So, I actually come from a family. My dad was an accountant. And my mom was a professional ballerina and so she danced for Ballet Idaho. For years, huh? Yep, she grew up in Moscow, Idaho. And she was really, really blessed because they actually had dancing company. And so, from the age of like four or five, she was around these incredible dancers. And it was just it was her it was what she did. So, you know, I grew up knowing my mommy was a ballerina. And I thought that was the coolest thing. And so, at a young age, we just danced dance to classical music. And I loved classical music. I mean, I’ve been listening to it as long as I remember. And so, when I was eight years old, I started taking piano lessons. And I loved it. And I actually liked practicing. And I heard people complain about practicing. It was almost this experience with the music that was just my time. And looking back, like that was my form of self care growing up, like I would just go sit and play. And so I started taking piano at the age of eight and just kept going,

Susanne 

Wow, your form of self-care, isn’t that that is such a beautiful way of putting it because I remember, not only did I dance, but I also played piano, which I have to give up at the age of 10 in order to be accepted into the ballet school. However, I remember completely getting lost in the music, like it is always, you know, there are more aspects to an artist than just one part because a musician. Yes, they play music, but there’s also so much more to, to movement to that. Right. So um, Okay, awesome. Your mother was at Valley, Idaho. While I am very intrigued right now.

Katie 

She was and you know, it’s funny, because as an adult, I hear people talk about flow, right? Get in flow. And unbeknownst to me, like that’s what you do when you can actually sit down and practice in like, you lose that sense of time. And you’re in the music or you’re in the dance or whatever it is like that’s flow, I just had no idea. That’s what I was doing.

Susanne 

Wow. And that’s so beautiful. And I think that as children particularly, it is so easy for us to get in there. Because we’re so unattached to any kind of outcome. Like we have no expectations. We just literally do what feels right for us. Like, we just want to be happy. And we choose to be happy all the time. And then we choose to lose that feeling. But I really think that in order to really express yourself, you have to let go of all of that. That stuff and the heaviness and judgment and the expectation. So, you can tap into that little girl again, because she did everything so beautifully, I think.

Katie 

Yes, yeah. And you know, that brings up such a good point because I can remember kind of the transition. So, I started playing at Boise State I started taking piano lessons from the head professor there when I was 13. And it was really interesting because I’ve always been like a deep-seated people pleaser. And so, it’s kind of funny like when you decide who you’re playing music for. Right? Are you playing it for you? Are you playing it so other people can enjoy it? Are you playing it so that you can get an award you can be the best you know; we have all these motivations that are based on our identity and you know, I can remember points in my in my career where I really kind of lost the joy? You know, I think we were learning outcomes and forgetting, like why I was doing it in the first place. You know, so it’s really interesting how the music stayed the same, right? My practicing stayed the same, but my intention and my mindset changed. And that kind of changed everything else.

My practicing stayed the same, but my intention and my mindset changed. And that kind of changed everything else. Click To Tweet

Susanne 

Oh, I love that you’re bringing that up, because I just, I just had a conversation with my coach prior to getting on the phone with you that we were talking about mindset and how imperative it is that it is literally everything, you can do the same thing. And you will have different outcomes with a different mindset behind that. And I, I feel that in the arts, we forget about that. We forget about that. There is more to, let’s say, playing piano and practicing it for five hours in a day and like burning ourselves out to Okay, how do we train our mind behind that? So, we are actually staying in control? And we’re not just doing something for somebody else? To follow somebody else’s expectation?

Katie 

Yes. And I think too, you know, especially, you know, if you think of dance and music, it’s a little bit different than something like painting or something. Because essentially, we’re, we’re all redoing something, right? So even in a competition, or a tryout or an audition, you’re all dancing to the same music, you’re all playing the same song, right? And so, it’s, you tend to start going, Okay, well, how, how can I win? Like, how can I be different, and really, the secret and the key is not trying to be different, just expressing yourself, and letting the magic come out of that. And it was amazing, because, you know, I remember times where I was well prepared, and I would just sit down. And I would play. And I would play for them because I wanted them to experience what I had experienced with a piece of music; how magical it was. And I would when I would win those competitions. But when I would go into a competition feeling like I had something to prove that I wanted to win. That’s usually when I forgot my music, forgot a couple pages of my music, you know, was shaky, whatever it was. And so, you know, I think there’s this huge parallel with life there. You know, if you’re playing to prove something, that’s where the stress comes, the burnout comes the comparison comes where, in contrast, if you’re playing to express and to give this gift of music, or the gift of dance, or whatever it may be, if you’re letting other people in on that gift that you have, that’s, that’s where the magic happens. And it’s fun. And that entails actually knowing that you have a gift.

Susanne 

Mm hmm. I find that in both worlds, like we interacted when I was in, in the in the theater, we interacted a lot with musicians, because we would always, we were all together in one Opera House, which was beautiful, right? We got to hear the orchestra rehearse and sit in rehearsals. And it was when they when they lost their, their spike or their spark or their, their knowing what they’re really, really good at, and standing behind what they’re really good at without the fear of judgment because they could always say, Hey, I’ll show you. That’s where the magic happened. There is a difference between, and I may go back here a little bit, when you will know what you’re good at without the arrogances behind it without a Hey, I need to show you what I’m good at. That’s where magic happens. That’s where you completely in your power. This is where you actually can get into that flow state where everything around you completely just falls away. And you are handle you become that other person, the one that doesn’t fear anymore. And I I did not experience it myself very often. However, when I did it was the most magical thing ever. Right, isn’t it?

Katie 

Yeah, you almost feel like you’re part of something bigger than you when that happens. Like what just happened? You know, like, and you can feel it in the air. Like it’s just Yes, it’s something bigger than just your performance. It’s almost like when you let go and just dance or just play or whatever it might be. It’s almost, and this sounds kind of funny, but it’s almost like performing out of gratitude, and, like almost treasuring the gift you have and not belittling it by putting your ego into it and trying to do it for something, you’re just doing it for the sake of loving it, you know, so good.

Susanne 

Yes. For the sake of loving and knowing why you are stepping on stage, knowing why you’re rehearsing, knowing why you’re practicing, right? That is that that is why knowing your why having a North Star having your vision so clear, every single day laid out in front of you, is so very important. Like if you just drifting, you’re so open to all of the bullshit that comes at us when we’re in this, this kind of industry of like judgment, comparison, the unworthiness, the more and more and more the perfectionism. Like when we’re in that lane of not knowing what we’re actually standing for, what our values and visions are, then all of that other stuff is like we’re an open book for it for receiving it.

Katie 

Yes, I love that. And I feel like sometimes, especially as you get better, you feel like, people see that you’re good at something and you almost kind of feel like a puzzle piece of someone else’s puzzle like, and that feeling of being disposable. And okay, who’s gonna come up behind me that’s better? Or, you know, like, the physical ailments like me is my you know, I had tendinitis. Is my tendinitis gonna get in my way. And I don’t think very many people in the art see themselves as their own brand, they usually buy into someone else’s brand, oh, I work with, you know, this company, or I’m part of this group, or whatever it is, but you don’t really see yourself as your own brand. And so what happens is, I think we see things very short sighted, it’s for the next performance is that if you asked me, you know, what are you going to be doing in five years? Well, hopefully doing more of this, but there was really no plan,

Susanne 

you’re doing the same thing?

Katie 

Exactly, exactly. Because I was part of other people’s plans, I hadn’t really sat down and figured out, okay, who am I as a musician? And what do I have to give to the world? That is just me standing on my own two feet without anyone backing me or supporting me? Like, who am I, you know, this is so good.

Susanne 

I hope everybody really understood this. It’s in a musician, industry, it’s in a performance industry, it’s in all it is so important to know who we are. And what we’re really wanting, in order to not just become a part of something there is no, it’s not wrong to be a part of a company. But you also and I still believe in this, have to know who you are. Because so many artists are following a company. And they’re staying in it, even though they’re super unhappy, and they continuously sick. And they’re only complaining, however they stay because they’re afraid they won’t get anything else because they don’t even know what they want,

Katie 

right? Or what you’re worth outside of what you do, because I ended up getting tendonitis to the point where I had to take time off. And I remember sitting there going, I don’t even know me, like, I don’t even know what I’m good at. Like, I just knew I was good at piano like, I knew I had a gift for it. But is that where all my value is? And I almost had this existential crisis of Who am I with? Without piano? You know? Am I worthy? Do I have value and, you know, I think that’s all across the board. In Performing Arts, I know my mom struggled with an eating disorder, you know, that pressure to perform. And when you only get your value from what other people think about you or your performance, and you don’t really know, inside of you, you know that you’re really operating in your daily life on something you can’t control. And I think that going back to like working for a company, it’s That’s amazing. It’s a gift, you get to learn all these things. But if you don’t know who you are, then you are living a life of anxiety and fear because your life is based on all these outside things that you have absolutely no control over.

But if you don't know who you are, then you are living a life of anxiety and fear because your life is based on all these outside things that you have absolutely no control over. Click To Tweet

Susanne 

Mic drop. Thank you. We’re done. Thank you that that was awesome. Oh my gosh, yes. 1,000% I have nothing to add there. I would just ruin the moment. Okay, that’s get into actually you need to rebind that everybody and listen to this segment one more time. It’s super important to like lead that and really understand that what happened like you had severe tendinitis, like looking back at a Katy, where did that come from? Because I feel that injuries pop up for a reason. It’s just, it has been for me in my life. And I’ve seen so many people around me that it happened over and over again. And it was for a reason. So let’s talk about that. What was your journey through that? How did it come out? How did you come out of it?

Katie 

Um, you know, it’s so interesting because I stayed in victimhood for so long like this happened to me. And I’ve really done a lot of inner work. And you know, I truly believe that everything happens for me now. But back at the time, I couldn’t see the big picture. And I actually was at a world like music camp called Masterworks. And they have la acting music, it was so much fun. And we have these college professors from all over, we have people from Australia and China and the United States. And it was just the best time because you’re around people who actually get you, right, like, we’re a little out a little extreme. And so it was, it was super fun. And I found that I couldn’t keep up. And I’d already been practicing 234 hours a day, more than was required of me, because I thought that, you know, made me even more valuable because I go above and beyond, right, I’m at 130%. And when I was there, I just, you know, I was playing these pieces where it took a lot of strength, it took a lot of that big muscle strength. And, you know, I wish I had someone tell me at that time, if you start feeling that pain in your arms, go to someone and work on your technique, because what was happening is I was using all my small muscles. And you can only sustain fast, strong action for so long, like its mechanics, right? And I grew up in a small town in Idaho, and bless her heart, I had the sweetest piano teacher, but she didn’t know technique, right. And then when I got to the college level, at the age of 13, it was it’s so hard once you’re going fast to slow back down, right? And so I found myself, even in college, even after this music camp, I would sit in practice and just cry, because it hurt and you know, taking so much Advil and I went to therapy, and it’s, you know, my body, this is a pattern in my life, I push it, I push it, I use it, I use it, and then it slows me down. And it says, Hey, I’m not a machine. And, and I feel like that is the first time that I really had that lesson. And at the same time, I was getting sick, I was burnt out, I was depressed, we couldn’t figure out what was going on with my stomach, you know, and I had just turned into this person where I like expected this output from my body, and was very hard on myself if I did not do it. And almost like perfectionism times 100 like, Okay, well, you know, you can play this piece perfectly well then if I made a mistake, instead of like working on the passage, like I used to do, I would actually make myself start the song over, and over and over and over. So it really became work, it really became this thing of like proving myself to myself, and you know, our bodies are so, so smart. And they listen to our minds, and they express what’s going on in our soul. And, and my body was like this is this is enough, you know. And so I was I was done. I was a senior in college, and I actually dropped out of college. And that’s kind of where that oh my gosh, what do I even do? Like, what am I even good at came from?

Susanne 

Thank you for sharing that. So when did you start self development? Like, how did you get into that?

Katie 

You know, it’s funny, because I think that I’ve always wanted to grow like I remember at a young age, just reading like I loved nonfiction. I’ve always loved nonfiction. In fact, I forced myself to read fiction to be a little bit more lighthearted. I think it’s good for me. But it I think it was, you know, probably, you know, I so this is this is a part of my story that a lot of people don’t know, without perfectionism, I started finding ways to cope. And I actually became addicted to alcohol, and found that I could still perform highly if I drink and shut everything out. And so it was really when I got help, and I got sober, and I accepted who I was, without any outside, you know, opinion, because there’s this beautiful moment that not all of us get to where you realize that even with nothing, you’re still loved, you’re still valued, you’re still worthy. And it took me having everything stripped away from me of my first marriage, my money, you know, performing, everything was gone. And I sat in that moment and realized I was still alive and that I was worthy. And I had nothing to give, and I was still valuable, I was still, you know who God made me to be. And that blew my mind. And I still cry thinking about that. Because when you get to that point, you can’t lose, right? You can look at the rest of your life and go, I have nothing to lose. This is not a life is not a performance like this is, this is me, this is about feeling good. This is about gratitude. This is about expressing who I am as a person. And, you know, I think a lot of people struggle with body, you know, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, especially when you grow out of that first career, and go, what the what the hell am I doing? And so, finding that place of worthiness is changed my life. And so now I’m really passionate about figuring out what that looks like, in practical ways, whether it’s with, you know, finances, self expression, self care, serving others, like what does that look like? And how can I be the best version of myself, not in a perfectionist way, but in a, an abundant way that is expressing my gratitude for life. You know,

Susanne 

oh, I don’t even know where to start here. This is thank you so much for sharing that because I feel like, particularly in the entertainment world, like, we are trying to become something or somebody we really don’t own or not are or can’t even identify with our ourselves. yet. We think that we need to be in order to be successful. And we use anything and everything for that to make it easier on us. And it was alcohol for me too. It was cigarettes. It was sleeping pills. It was everything. Yes. And so my question here is, how did you? How did you know that you were addicted? And how did you get out of it?

Katie 

Hmm. I was afraid that I was addicted for a long time before I realized I was addicted. And I think it was when my life started kind of falling apart. And I I found it was so weird, because I’ve always been this perfectionism and control, right? And when something gets out of control, you go, oh, wow, this is scary, because I’m an uncontrolled person. Right? And so this doesn’t make sense. And why am I saying these things? Am I am i doing these things that aren’t me. And so, you know, I think that, you know, I was really lucky because I didn’t have a whole lot of consequences. Besides, I lost a lot of friends. And I showed up in ways that I wasn’t proud of and my body couldn’t handle it. I actually drink over half a gallon of hard liquor every day. You know, I would have probably 12 shots in the morning before work, just a comment shaking. So I drink and absorb it an amount of money or money. Yeah, actually, I did that too, of alcohol. And I actually had alcohol poisoning multiple times I had doctors say you’re at a point to you’re at a point three, how are you alive. And at the end, I actually tried being sober for a month relapsed. And I had a stroke and a seizure at the age of 30. And my sweet Mama, I was at a on a business trip in Kentucky and she flew in, I was in the hospital for five days, she wheelchairs me through the hospital. And I said I don’t want to go a day without help. Like, I know I have one chance left. Because the doctors told me if I drink again, I die. So I I said I will do whatever it takes and I went to a 28 day rehab. And it changed my life. It was amazing. We talked about the body and the mind, the soul, the spirit, how it all goes together, and I had a chance to redo my life. You know? Well, and that’s where my I met my husband, we broke the rules. But I got a husband, you know, by the time by that time I was done with rehab, I just knew in my soul that he was the person who was going to spend the rest of my life with it. So I mean, that’s the amazing thing. And I what I want listeners to hear is like you get a choice, right? You think you’re stuck. You think that how life is is just how life has to be and it’s so uncomfortable to change anything and you don’t want to recalculate or rock the boat. Rock the freaking boat do it because I always err on here so you feel free. Because you don’t know what’s on the other side of that in everything magical. Everything that’s felt so amazing that I feel so undeserving of has happened when I finally let go, and was willing to rock the boat and do whatever it takes to be happy. I’m just tired of waiting for five years from now, or 10 years from now to be happy because I get to that five year point, and I still wouldn’t be happy. And so figuring out being relentless about the pursuit of what can make me happy today, sure, those goals are great, those dreams are great. But usually we set goals because it’s going to get us something. And the secret is, we can have that thing now. So I just want everyone to know you have a choice, you have a choice, you have one life to live, and it’s yours, you know,

Susanne 

and everything is a choice. Mm hmm. It’s this, you know, when I read untamed, and that was like February or March of 2020.

 

Katie 

So love that book,

 

Susanne 

I could not believe like, it was like the the third layer of the onion that was peeled back, and I was like, Oh, my gosh, I have been living in those boxes for so many years, of like, believing all of these stories that I have to do this, and I have to do this and money is bad, and artists don’t deserve anything. And I have to work hard. And as a mother, I have to do this, and I can’t have boobs as a as a dancer, or weigh more than 110 pounds, or, you know, all of these shoulds like I was shooting on myself every single day. And with that book came so much freedom, I don’t have to do anything. I don’t have to be anybody. But me. And realizing that now I’m like, Oh my gosh, what? What kind of a dancer Could I have been? If I wouldn’t have just cruised on that highway that told me exactly what to do. But if I would have had the knowledge and the help, and somebody by my side, like left side rent in the back and the front, like all over me, that would tell me you know what, you are just beautiful and perfect the way you are you don’t need to change anything. And don’t stop learning.

Katie 

Yes, yes, yes, I love it. And our ego tries to keep us safe, right. But it’s an outdated system. And so, we have this misconception that if we weren’t to take everything so seriously, if we weren’t to be such a perfectionist, we wouldn’t do as well, when really we’re blocking ourselves from our next goal, or a better performance or whatever it is. Because when you drop your ego and just do things because you want to do things, they actually are better. But we, you know, it’s almost like I heard someone talk about, it’s like this, we have this prison that we’re in. But what we don’t realize is that the prison is only three walls. And right behind us, if we were to turn around the there’s, we could walk out, right. And like what you were talking about with a box, like, I think we fight the box, we want a bigger box, and we just need to get out of the damn box, even though there shouldn’t be, there shouldn’t be a box. And all it takes is that awareness of the fact that there could be something better, there could be a better way to do life and turn around and see that you can get out of that prison that you made for yourself, you know,

Susanne 

and you see that when you start when you stop seeing perfection as the end result. And you allow yourself to be a work in progress for the rest of your life. When you allow yourself to be a learner for the rest of your life. And when you allow yourself to stay curious. Because then the whole world is yours. I really believe that like I just had this epiphany, a couple of weeks ago where I remembered my mindset coming out of school of, Oh, I’m done learning. I am I have to now show what I’ve learned. And I can no longer be a learner. I just have to perform and to work and be 110% all the time. Yeah. And when you have these kind of subconscious stores, you act upon them. You do everything in your capabilities to prove yourself these stories. And I’m calling bullshit on all of these things. It’s not It’s not the truth. We are always learners. We always should be curious, we always should be open to diverse thoughts and we can take anything that we want and that feels good for us out of the bucket and apply it to ourselves, right.

Katie 

And any of us can work hard to be the best. And any of us it’s easy to be happy when you’re the best, right? But it takes something something special and it takes wisdom to be the person who’s always trying to be the smartest person in the room, right? Always trying to be a beginner always having that learning growth mindset versus proving yourself to everybody and it’s so much fun when you go Oh, I’m a human like, you know, for so long I held myself to this perfectionist standard not only in my music, but in my life. And there’s something so beautiful about sitting down and be like, Oh, yeah, I’m a human. I’m not better than anyone else. And I’m not worse than anyone else. I, I’m just me and I can make mistakes. I’m supposed to make mistakes I’m supposed to grow. I’m supposed to learn, you know, how, what a better way to live?

Susanne 

Oh, quite honestly, that’s the only way for me now. Like, I can’t do anything else than that. So, what are you doing now? Like? How did Katie who was playing piano? To what do you doing now? How did you back up on your feet, to where you’re now? Like, what’s in between there?

Katie 

You know, one of the things that I do love about myself is that I am a pivot queen. Like when things happen to me, I do not stay stuck. I go, okay, what’s next, like, let’s do this. Um, but like I said, My mom was a professional dancer. And my dad was an accountant. So you know, I’m trying to balance it out. And you know, it’s funny because I have the right brain and left brain. And a lot of people in the arts industry don’t really like the numbers part. And a lot of people in the numbers, you know, industry don’t get the other part. And so it’s been fun for me, because I feel like God gifted me with this ability to see all the sides, and all the things. And so I also really enjoyed finance. And then, you know, it was almost this thing where it was like, Well, if I can’t do music, what else am I good at business? Okay, so I actually changed to a business major. And I also almost have a psychology degree, because I’m so fascinated with how our minds work. And I didn’t realize there was such a connection before. And I had this vision and this passion and this necessity, to bring something to the finance industry that knows that people don’t talk about enough, right? finances are so black and white and cold. And that can really turn off people who don’t understand them. And I wanted to help women feel permission to talk about emotional spending, and their emotions and their fears behind the money and why they do what they do, and what they’re scared of, and really be able to just open a space and hold space for these people that listen to like the Dave Ramsey’s of the world, and which I love, which I absolutely love his program. But it’s so surface level, because we’re not talking about why we’re doing these things. What’s the thought that creates that behavior that creates that pattern that we’re so you know, tied into, and that is spiraling out of control. And so I have just felt this passion for helping people see their finances, not just as this thing that they is set, you know, a timer once a month to go talk about, but see them as this expression of themselves. And see this ability to really holistically apply financial principles that will benefit your whole life. And I’m such a proponent of self care, like, I truly believe that finances are a form of self care. If you’re if you’re doing it right. And so it’s been so exciting to be able to hold space for people in a financial container that isn’t usually there, huh?

Susanne 

Like the understanding you said something. We see money or finances or something like hard set in stone cold, not want to deal with it. I think that is something that we’ve been taught, if you were lucky that your family ever talked about at the dinner table. And if not, then we just assumed it from like, whoever was feeding our you know, beliefs. And I love that there is another side to it. There’s not only the male side to it, there is the female energy to money that is so beautiful, that can change everything in the world that can give us so much and can open so many doors. It can help so many other people. I think I remember the first time listening to Chris hardest podcast when when he said like when good people make good money. They can do great things. I’m like, Huh? What do you mean? They mean I can do great things. Don’t people just do shit but good money with big money. Like don’t they just use it to buy other people or dominate their power? And that was the first time that I actually was challenged to look at money as itself in a completely different light.

Katie 

Yeah. And a lot of people have you, you know, we’re afraid of what we don’t understand. And so there’s so much fear around money, usually in our lives. And, you know, I said something to someone the other day, I was like, budgeting is so much fun. And she looked at me like, I was absolutely crazy. And it’s like, when you see budgeting, as your spending plan, like it’s actually pretty fun. Because it’s like, oh, what am I going to spend money on this month? What am I going to put money aside for my future for and so, you know, Chris is my mentor, too. And like, it’s been so much fun, he has such a good perspective on money. And he’s so generous. And, you know, why not? If you could choose between $10,000 and $100,000? Why would you choose the 10,000? Yeah, you can do so, so much good. Like, you can change your legacy, you can change generations, and you can serve so many people, money gives us tools, right? Money is a magnifier of whatever’s going on on the inside of us. I truly believe that. So you see people, you know, win the lottery and blow all their money. You see people struggle and keep themselves small, because when their parents got raises, they would get in fights. And so it’s their way of keeping themselves safe, because they think money equals arguing, you know, so like, What does money equals to you? And as an artist, you know, I think we have this mentality of Oh, I’m, you know, I’m a starving artist, like, we, we just don’t make money, right? It’s just not a thing. And I remember thinking that, Oh, well, if I’m a performer, I’m gonna have to do it for love, not for money. And what we don’t realize is that the more impact we have, the income just flows, right? If you’re doing something for money, like the money is going to come and go, but if you’re doing something to impact people, if money is just going to be an expression of that coming back, right, right to you, you know, and so I think we, I think we overcomplicate money. Yes, we want to have the knowledge, but there’s also so much around money that is, that can be good, that can be enjoyable, I have a free worksheet that I that I love that I actually made from what I do, where before you start your budgeting for the month, you think about what are my goals this month? What are my strengths? What’s one thing I could do that would change my financial trajectory, and really get clear on this stuff. Otherwise, you’re operating your budget from your past, not from your future. You just shut me up. Awesome. There’s so many ways I could go from here, that’s going to serving or coming from a service base, that’s let’s look at the arts as a service based business. So I think that’s where it actually already starts with, and I’m going to be I’m coming from a huge place of love. And here’s what I’m seeing. I don’t think the arts know who they’re serving. I don’t even think that we are actually operating from a service base mentality anymore. We’re serving to acquire audiences to feel fill the seats we’re performing. For the performance sake, we’re performing to make money. And we’re performing to get more people in the seats really, like that’s, that’s really truly what I’m seeing. But what does it mean to serve your audience? Like I did a podcast recording on this yesterday, around, okay, when we’re serving, we’re actually like, it comes from here, it comes from your soul, it does have no other intention. But to help somebody else to, I don’t know, with a product or with with a change of mindset, or with a performance that gets you dreaming again, or opens up your possibilities or gives you for those two hours it takes you out of your shitty life so that you actually see what is possible. And I feel that we forgotten about that, like, how many passages can you run on how fast can you do that? How many periods Can you do on stage? That is not what arts is about. For me,  I totally agree. And I have a story that, you know, drives this point home perfectly. So I had the opportunity to go to a valley Idaho performance where they dance to Fleetwood Mac. And this was right after my divorce. I was going through severe anxiety, depression. I just was hurting. I was just hurting and Fleetwood Mac I would listen to Fleetwood Mac all the time because it made me happy. And I went to this ballet and I sat there and I cried and I just let my soul hear the music. I let my soul heal and the people on  Stage, I have no idea that they were doing that to me, right that they were doing that for me. And I think that is just a perfect example of service is someone needs to hear this, someone in the audience needs this today. And for me not to show up for them is a disservice. Right? And, you know, I, because just because someone doesn’t comment on your social media, or just because someone doesn’t give you a raving review, doesn’t mean that you didn’t deeply touch someone. And so you have to trust that you’re meant to serve. Wherever your gifts take you. You’re you’re meant to serve, and someone needs to hear it, whether you ever know or not, right? We’re not doing it for the likes, we’re not doing it for the comments, we’re doing it for that silent person who we just helped change their life, but we’ll never know. And it takes a lot of confidence and gratitude and knowing who you are, to be okay with not getting that feedback, but knowing that you helped someone, right, exactly,

Susanne 

you don’t need the proof, you know, you did. And I think with stepping on stage with that service based mindset will change everything, it will change how the energy on on stage will be delivered into the audience, the audience then will become a community, they will become raving fans, because you are actually impacting them on a level that you you just can’t do with with a different mindset. You know, and I feel that if the companies would actually like peel away all the need of, you know, I need to high rollers in, in in the front seats, and I need this and I need this and they actually just stop. Mm hmm. And like, what are we really doing? How, how are we serving our community? I think it would change everything.

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Katie 

I totally agree. And, you know, there’s something beautiful about stepping back and trusting the process, and not being afraid of where the money is going to come in. But no, if you do everything you’re supposed to do, and you do your best. The money that comes in the people that talk it’s just a reflection of you being your authentic self.

Susanne 

Wow. Yes, exactly. Amen to that.

Katie 

And I love what you said about community, you know, it’s so cool. My mom actually over Christmas, met up over zoom with the girl she danced with when she was like five or six, like all four of them got on zoom. And they talked about where their life’s at right now. And it was so cool, because multiple of them are actually using their dance now that they’ve retired to help others. So like one of them, helps people with autism with dancing one helps seniors like, you know, move and dance and flow. And I just think that is so cool. Because your gift doesn’t stop when, you know, when you get off the stage. It’s it can keep going just like you’re serving people. You know, I think that there’s so many industries, like if you think about the sports industry, there’s so they’re so gifted because they have these people who once they retire, they they pour back into the people that are still there, right. And I think that the arts needs more of that, right? When you’re done. You’re not just done you have a responsibility to share the lessons that you’ve learned with the people that are still going through it. Maybe you can save someone some heartache, maybe you can change their career change their life. So it’s not just service to the people that are listening, or watching. It’s also service. Like you said, that community of people because like I said, when I went to Masterworks no one gets us like we get us. It’s kind of like when I’m in a room of alcoholics, like no one gets me like them, and no one ever will. And it’s the same thing with like, you know, artists, like we have the special bond. And I think we have a responsibility to go back and hold her hand out and help the people behind us along.

 

Susanne 

Beautiful. Yes, absolutely. It’s you’re not done when you think you’re done. This is not you’re not stepping off the stage because you’re done. You’re just starting a new chapter. Right?

Katie 

Maybe you’re just getting started. Yeah, yeah, maybe. Yeah,

Susanne 

it’s that what if like, asking different questions. Like it’s not how can I continue? It’s what if you would do this or what would it look like if I would be like what if any question that starts with what if is so powerful, and it will lead you in the most beautiful direction you could ever? Never probably see. And you could go if you don’t ask the right questions, and this is where huh Thing curious comes in.

Katie 

I love that you just said that because that’s exactly what I was thinking that curiosity, seeing things as an experiment not taking everything so seriously. Like, we we tend to go Oh, well, I’ll get lazy. Well, we all know we’re not lazy people. So that’s not going to happen, but maybe it will make us happy.

Susanne 

And you know what? Maybe you are? Mm hmm. Well, What’s so wrong about being lazy? We can be very productive. And we can be lazy. Like, we don’t have to be just one thing. In order to be great. You can be all of it. Yeah, everything. Yep.

Katie 

And I’m so tired of hearing, you know, us, us talk about being 110% as a badge of honor, right? I, I’ve burned out so many times because of that. And I go, Well, what if I, what if I just operated that 80% all the time. And 80% is good enough? What if I filled my cup, and actually did all the things that I do from an overflow instead of like, digging into the trenches to come up with something to give because I have nothing left? You know, there’s nothing wrong with 80%. And, in fact, it you know, it’s the opposite of what our mind thinks 80% is going to keep you going forever. Instead of those ups and downs, and, you know, the anxiety and whatever it is, like, that’s just a lie. we tell ourselves that life has to be that way. It doesn’t know it doesn’t. You mean that the peaks and the valleys? It’s, you can only maintain 110% for a certain amount of time, like your crash your rock bottom is pre programmed, literally. Mm hmm. Yeah. And if you if you do the math on that, then you’re at like, 50%, right? If you if you take the average, so why not be at 80% all the time.

Susanne 

Yeah. Or, you know, some of the time and then yes, give 110% or 100%, when you’re on stage, but allow yourself also to be 20% or 50. Because it’s important to you need to know like, you will not always feel your very best when it really matters. And you need to understand how to maneuver around that. And still give and serve the people that come to to see you from a place of service and love. Even if your body is not agreeing with you right now. Like you need to be like we have to teach ourselves what that looks like. Right? Like I I never knew what that was like, I was only just, it was like, either up here or up down. I have two gears. Mm hmm. Honor. Well, hang on. I was never able to give 110% because I was so afraid of being unworthy and being actually seen as crazy as that sounds. And then I was zero minus actually minus 10. Because I just couldn’t keep up that that game of pretending anymore.

Katie 

Yeah. And I think the worthiness plays into that again. Well, if I truly feel worthy, no matter what, then I can respect my body. I can listen to my body. You know, I heard I think it was boss,  babe. Maybe it was BossBabe Podcasts. They’re talking about make your body your CEO. Like stop looking at outside opinions. Right? Your body knows you, you have intuition. And you know how to take care of yourself. But are you listening? Are you listening to the cues? Are you telling it to shut up? Let’s keep going. You know, and that is something I still to this day struggle with, you know, finding that balance where I’m being productive, but I’m also at rest,

Susanne 

And not judging yourself for taking the rest, right. Like, that was the biggest learn, for me, particularly this year, because we’re so goal oriented. Heck, we have to, I set the goal, okay. On this day, I’m going to launch my podcast, okay. And I found myself like a week prior is like, in tears on the floor. Because I just couldn’t, I had to deal with so much shame in myself still, to to get over or even to unearth it in order to launch a podcast. And I think it was the first time in my life that I didn’t feel guilty to actually go through the emotions first. And to really understand, Hey, where is this procrastination actually really, truly coming from? And once I have that figured out, it was so much easier. It was easy or not. It wasn’t without procrastination or or triggers or the feeling of not wanting to do it. I can’t think of the word right now. The resistance like it wasn’t without resistance, but it didn’t feel like I’m going to die. If I do this, like I just can’t do it unless I’m working through this, particularly issue that just came up. And, and I feel that it is such a gift. Like I would have never known that that’s that issue is still in me. If I hadn’t said, Okay, I’m learning to step up, and I’m going to serve on a certain level. Like, I would have never felt that coming up. Yeah, you know, yeah.

Katie 

And it and I think, you know, the big key there that I see that is so beautiful is you stop judging the feeling sorry, you stop judging the emotions or judging yourself for having having them and we know, like psychology, what you judge will continue and get bigger and get worse, what you accept, and let go. And forgive. That is where healing comes in. And, and you can grow past it. And I know like i’ve had panic attacks since I was eight years old, you know, which is consequently, when I started performing, and I mean, debilitating in the hospital, panic attacks, and when I stopped focusing on don’t have anxiety, don’t have anxiety, don’t have anxiety, Oh, you’re so nervous. And I start focusing on what I actually do want, then it’s the things I don’t want tend to fall away, right? I’m so happy. I’m so grateful. I’m, I’m thinking about joy. I’m thinking about excitement. You know, our bodies that think that nerves and excitement are literally the same thing. It’s just what you tell it. So, you know, I was talking to my husband before this, I was like, I’m a little nervous about the podcast. He goes, try again. I was like, Oh, I’m really excited about the podcast. There you go. And it’s just that, those little shifts, but you know, I I’ve spent I’ve wasted so much time judging myself for the things. And what happens is they get bigger, and they hold power over you versus just saying, I forgive you, you were doing the best you could like now we know better. Let’s do better. You know?

Susanne 

Wow, beautiful.

Katie 

So I love I love that you have that process. And it gives me hope, because sometimes I’m like, Oh, is it always gonna be this hard. But you know, you get better. And you learn to do things like you said, easier.

Susanne 

Yeah, but you know why it’s easier, because it doesn’t hold power with me anymore.

Katie 

Mm hmm.

Susanne 

I am with everything that I am letting go off, like my word for 2021 is freedom, love it, freedom of all the baggage that has accumulated, I am setting all of that free, I’m leaving those suitcases behind that that is true freedom for me. But with every little thing, you let go, you gain more of your power back, you really step into that next version of that more powerful version of yourself that knows exactly what she wants, he knows exactly where she wants to go, is not afraid to change her mind 10,000 times a day, and doesn’t really give a fuck about what other people think. And I want to be her. Like, I can see her I can feel her. And I really want to get there because it makes things just easier. I feel easier.

Katie 

And waking up with that purpose and that happiness and knowing, you know, no one can take that away from you. And, you know, it’s it’s so funny, you said that because my word for the year was like ease and receiving. And like it’s what January 10 18th. And I’ve already changed my work awesome. Because I because I realized Okay, before you can receive before you can obese girl, you got to start stepping into your power, you got to stop staying safe and hiding behind this anxiety. Like, you need to get off the floor, dust yourself off. And know that you know, and walk like you know and show up like you know, because you know, whatever it is you have the answers and you need to start trusting yourself and so my word of the years power like what own my power step into my power. You know,

Susanne 

what’s power for you? Because that is a question I was asked on an interview point blank and I’m like, oh, okay, so I want to it brought up a really big trigger for me, which I was really grateful for. I want to know what power is for you.

Katie 

I think power for me is being able to operate bigger then what my current reality says I can and and operating as if like acting as that best person. But what would the best version of me do and being that like that’s where my power lies. My power does not lie in all those swirling thoughts and the rabbit holes I go down in the overthinking that happens and you know that anxiety my power comes from Knowing who I am, why I’m here, and what I’m supposed to be doing, and operating in it, whether I feel ready or not.

Susanne 

Beautiful, did you have any preconceived notion about power? And I’m asking that because I didn’t know I had, but I had as an old stories.

Katie 

Yeah, no, I think I think I did. I think that for me power, I think I thought that humility and power didn’t go together maybe or that I was pleasing other people keeping myself small and so power is selfish. And that I needed to make sure I didn’t, you know, rock the boat again. And so yeah, I think that those were really big roadblocks to me to really not operating in my power until now. And realizing the best form of humility is actually just being myself.

Susanne 

I could talk to you all. Right, we’re,

Katie 

I love that you asked me that question. Because I was like, Oh, what is power to me? Like, what does that mean? So that’s, I mean, that’s really good. I love it.

Susanne 

You know, I realized that I was, like, my old believer on power. And it was what came out for me when I was asked this question, it’s like, oh, power is bad. People use power to manipulate others power to, to ruin the world, like, all of these bad connotations just came out of my mouth, and I wasn’t even aware of them. And then the next thing came out was like, okay, so if I think power is bad, then obviously I am not going to step into it into all of it. Because if I think it’s bad, then why would I do that? Like, my subconscious will keep me just over here, where it’s safe, where I’m pleasing others where I’m not shining too bright. hackley. So that was the work last week. It’s like, Oh, you know, what are How can I rewrite that story? How can I rewrite that belief? Why do I think and that was with preaching, basically, girl, go back, go back to who you were 10 years ago, when you were that little girl. Go back to, to your power. I wasn’t even aware of that. It could have a bad connotation to other and it’s a to me too, right?

Katie 

Yeah. Oh my gosh, and, and again, but it’s so funny that our brains say Oh, like, don’t do that. Because we tend to think, oh, if I’m powerful, then I can’t serve people. The more power you have, the more of a servant you can be, the more impact you can make in the world. And so I think it all just goes back to you know, owning my power is showing up whether I’m ready or not. And then the action and the confidence comes, you know, Mm hmm.

Susanne 

I think owning your power means owning who you are.

Katie 

Oh, I love it. I love this so much.

Susanne 

And that’s such a claim that for now because then there’s absolutely nothing I’m sticky or anything to interpreted into it, but own who you are. And that is your power. I know so many people that don’t even know what their power is. You know, when we and I, I you know what, I’m not apologizing. This is just going to be a longer interview. I remember sitting in that first half of them mastermind where we still were able to have like an in person, September 2019. And I was asked so in front of 50 other people what’s your superpower, Susi? Like Huh? What do you mean? I don’t have superpowers. Everybody has superpowers. Well, not me. And it has taken me nine months to and I still get like maybe it’s not to actually really to like no I am really good at this. This is my superpower. Watch me and and and having that claiming that about yourself is part of unleashing your power. Yeah. And celebrating and, and celebrating it right?

Katie 

How often what have you got on that stage? Just thinking today I’m celebrating this gift right? Today we’re celebrating because this is beautiful. This music is beautiful. I can express it beautifully. This audience is beautiful. Let’s oh my gosh, what if every expression in our life was a celebration of what we have?

Susanne 

Yeah, what if right? Yes. Okay, sweetie, this is Wow, I can’t believe we just connected like months prior to the mastermind,

Katie 

you know, when I saw you in our first video, I was like, she glows like you have this glow about you. And so, you know, I and I feel like you have this almost really like this power within yourself that and you and you have this necessity to help people that whether you You recognize it or not? Like you can feel that energy. And so from the beginning, I’ve just been like, Oh, we need to connect. It just took took a couple months.

Susanne 

Well, we did it. That’s be proud of. Yes. Thank you. I’m just gonna receive that. That was really sweet of you to say thank you, my darling. Oh, of course, of course, I usually end the interviews with one last question. And that question is, so what? What would you tell your 1617 year old self with, you know, as something that you’ve learned over the past 20 years? What would you tell her?

Katie 

That almost makes me a little emotional? Because she was so she will? She was trying so hard. I think I would tell her, it’s all going to turn out exactly how it’s meant to. So enjoy the process.

Susanne 

Oh, wow. You know, you’d have goose bumps everywhere. You’re the first one who is not saying you’re worth it. And believe it. Everybody else so far, particularly the dancer said, just know that you’re worth it. Mm hmm. Thank you. That’s beautiful. I love it.

Katie 

Thank you. Thank you for the opportunity. This is this is like blessed me so much. I feel excited.

Susanne 

I want to let everybody know where they can find you.

Katie 

Awesome. So I have an Instagram it is @the_katie_edwards think if you search Katie Edwards I come up. Yes. And if they want to find out about financial health, they can go to my financial website, which is happily money after.com

Susanne 

I love that title. It’s like a fairy tale. Oh, gosh. So everybody, go check out the show notes. If you didn’t get that and write it down. Go check her out. Katie, thank you so much for being on here. I had the best time

Katie 

as did I use was wonderful,

Susanne 

much energy. And wow, I can’t wait for you to step more and more into your power to help all of these women out there that really truly need you.

Katie 

Thank you. And the same same for you. I’m so excited about what you’re doing in the performance world where people so desperately need that.

Susanne 

Thank you, my darling.

Important Links:

Katie grew up in a small town in Idaho and fell in love with playing piano at the age of eight. She started playing at a collegiate level at the age of 13 and had the opportunity to learn under many of the greats at the worldwide summer music camp “Masterworks”.

She went on to pursue piano performance in college where she struggled with the pain and limitations of severe tendonitis.

Today she helps people take ownership of their lives and create financial success through combining right and left brain strategies that tap into money as an expression of the whole person.

REad More ⟶

  — Susanne shares a quick thought that came to her after hearing a quote. Who told you that you are not deserving of what you want? She remembers how this feeling showed up in her life and how other people’s limiting thoughts would so easily be accepted as hers. Watch the episode here: Listen to the podcast here:   Who told you that you are not deserving of what you want? And I’m back. […]

February 11, 2022

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Past Episodes 

There is a better way to pursue ballet at the professional level. Instead of dancers pushing beyond their body’s limits, there is a healthier way to train your body, your mind and your spirit to soar. To become the best at your craft, you must be healthy. The mentality of surviving to make a performance perfect is an old paradigm that needs to change. As athletes, dancers must thrive in order to shine and connect with their audience. This new approach, leads to fulfillment, strength and longevity. It allows you to give more of your heart and soul on stage, creating an unforgettable experience that moves your audience. And that’s the whole pointe. 

THE POINTE TO RISE MANIFESTO